I was reading a book by Richard Carlson some time back, and a certain something stuck with me because I found it queer. He said something to the effect of "Don't catch all the balls that are thrown at you". I found it a wee bit insensitive. But today, I can't agree more. There are as many problems, as there are people. And those who are anything to you, would always discuss theirs with you. And if you care about them even a little bit, you would do everything in your capacity to help them with it. But there comes a point in time, when you must detach yourself from the problem and not make it yours to deal with. Else it becomes humanly impossible to maintain your levels of sanity.
Whether you like it, or you don't, everyone must deal with their problems themselves. You can suggest, you can help. And at other times, there is little than you can do. If there is something that you can do, do it. If you can't, then let it be. That is also how people deal with their own problems, don't they?To be empathetic is good. But to start crying with your neighbor because she lost her dog, does not make a lot of sense. It might sound insensitive (it did to me too), but at times it's necessary to detach. It's not always that you can afford to let someone's bad moods affect your well being.
You have to get a hold on your own happiness. No one will come and give it to you. You have to grab it out of every moment. And not submit to bad moods. Yours and others.
P.S Didn't mean to be preachy, but apparently couldn't avoid it either! Thanks for your patience :)
14 people were gracious enough to leave comments:
It's true...there is a limit to what one can do...even with your own children...all have to find their own way with a little guidance from love ones to help them stay on course...but if one chooses not to listen or help themselves there's little to do...you would only frustrate yourself trying...but we do need to be there for each other when needed...even casual friends can be of help sometimes...maybe all we need to do is lend an ear and just listen.
I love your posts Stillness...even though there is an age difference I feel a kinship with you...I think I like you!!! I'm teasing...I know I like you!
Lovely post ... Have nothing to add for a change, as you've said it all ...
Do check out - http://adiws3.blogspot.com/2009/03/wait-for-it.html
http://adiws3.blogspot.com/2008/06/pursuit-of-happyness.html
If you have time... just for a read ... would Like to hear your take, again if you care to share :)
Hi Stillness...I came over this morning (it's afternoon here now) to post and was unable....but I'm glad that I can get onto your site now. I read what you posted about others' problems. You know what I've found that most people who have problems need. Someone to listen to them. Being a good listener is very important. Sometimes, it is better to do that and not even give suggestions...because that person needs an 'ear.' I'm glad to find you here this afternoon...hopefully feeling happy...and I can't wait to check back later. Take care of you.
Smiles,
Jackie
Not preachy at all! :)
'If there is something that you can do, do it. If you can't, then let it be.' - Like that and somehow understand it well too. Let it be, and also let that person know you'll also be, whenever, whatever.
Deep contemplation huh? :)
TC
So very true my friend, sometimes all one can do is listen and care but our happiness is our own responsibility. I always find my way to happiness through helping others, especially when I see them trying so hard to help themselves. Caring for oneself and others is a good thing....:-) Hugs
not long enough to be counted as preachy..I was just about to doze off when the post ended :D
WANDA: So rightly said Wanda, I can't agree more! You're right, we must not shy away from listening and being there. Being there is at times, the only help some one needs from us.
Like I said earlier you're my grandmom, so there is bound to be a kinship :D. You and Bernie can decide who is the paternal and who is the maternal grandmom . I have to include Jackie too since she is like that grandmom who indulges her grandchildren always giving them all that they ask for. You three are really making it tough for me. People come here to make friends, I make relatives. Wow :)
ADISHA: Thank you so very much Adisha. I went through both the posts and have left my comments there. I hope you get them, since they are relatively old. You know you are one of those, who make my writing redundant ! You said it all, just the way I'd have liked to myself :) But you did it so much better than I could :) (Ofcourse I care to share and I've all the time in the world for friends :D )
JACKIE: I messed up with my space, by posting something really sad and pulling it off some hours laters, creating problems for you and Bernie. I am so sorry about that!
Ask me how much a listener is needed when you are facing the darkest moments of your life :)
How very sweet of you to check back. You are such a darling. Do see what I've written to Wanda above, and tell me what the three of you decide :D
STILL THINKING: Bang on as always :) Are there jobs for people who are Chronic and deep thinkers? If there are, I am all ears :D
BERNIE: Helping others is a sure shot way to our own happiness. Giving at times gives more happiness than getting. (I am on my way to becoming a nun :D, no just kidding! Shall think about it after marriage and several kids ;-) )
DPHATSEZ:OMG really!!??
I love the saying :)
I would have to agree with you, if someone dies we shouldn't grieve over them with the sad person, it's always better to try different things like to get them out of the depression mood..will do a lot more than sympathizing..tears are still never enough.
Take care :-)
NEMA: You're right. Tears have their own place and importance in the grieving process. But to help someone get out of the depression is a bigger help than crying with them all the time. I agree. Nice thought Nema :)
Wow Stillness these words couldn't be truer. It took me a long time to learn that lesson but you are so right about being able to maintain one's own sanity!
When having problems with my teen one time, someone close to me advised me to choose my battles. I guess you could change that to choose your causes as well!
DIANA: I couldn't have summed it better :) We've got to choose our battles. Pondering deep..How right :) Thank you :)
Wonderful post! You are absolutely right about detaching yourself after a certain point. I, for one, am a very emotional and sensitive person and find it extremely hard to detach myself from ANYONE or ANYTHING and believe me, I am not proud of it. Imagine spending an entire day down in the dumps just because you see an old sick woman shedding tears in the metro! Guess I could really use some of your advice! Good post! Really helpful
AS:Thank you so very much for stopping by! I am like you in that aspect too. But that is something that is absolutely crucial, and sooner or later, everyone must learn it..Glad you liked this piece. Thank you so much for the appreciation :)
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