Titled " It's all for the best! "

This is an article that appeared in the Times of India today. It's written by Vinita Dawra Nangia and no matter how hard I try, no matter how many redrafts I make, I'd never be able to write so beautifully,packing so much punch in just one piece.Nevertheless I wanted to share this with everyone and anyone who bothers to read this. It might be long, but trust you me, it's worth the time and effort:

"A colleague’s g-chat tagline read thus… “So, let’s put it like this: I asked for a small round ice-cream cake with a cherry on top. . . and I got a 3-tier German chocolate cake with an extra supply of mango soufflé and butter cookies!! Now, that’s great. But the point is... where is my “small round ice-cream cake with a cherry on top?? Is that too much to ask for?” No, it isn’t too much to ask for. It was never too much. But maybe someone thought they would give you more than you wanted assuming that would make you happier. But they assumed wrong, didn’t they? You wanted just that one small cake, and all the big ones in the world cannot make up for the fact that you didn't get the one you really wanted. Things don’t always work out exactly as you want them to. And if the intensity of the desire was strong, then even though you may have got much more than you wanted, the craving for that one thing that escapes you never really goes away. Anjali, a friend, was working her way up to Head of Operations for a firm in Hyderabad. When promotion time came, another colleague made it to that slot while Anjali got a double promotion and was made the South Head, controlling all southern city ops. Even through the congratulations and accompanying euphoria, she admits to having felt back then a deep regret that she never could hold quite the post she had dreamt about! Today, five years later, though enjoying her job, she still wonders what it would have been like to have had her dream fulfilled and head Hyderabad ops! Would you say she was being ungrateful? Sure, you would. But then what about the boy who made it through the JEE IIT and yet committed suicide because he got Kharagpur rather than Delhi IIT, his first choice? He hadn’t got a better centre, but he did at least get into IIT. What about the many others who were nowhere on the merit list? Such disappointments occur when we allow our desires and dreams to overtake us and start living in anticipation of their fulfillment. A narrow focus makes us oblivious to all else but the goal in mind, very often blinding us to better options or greater pleasures just within our reach. A closed mind doesn’t allow us to enjoy that which we got instead of hankering after what escaped our clutches. And life carries on…a series of regrets and what ifs…. How does one avoid this trap? We all grow up hearing the adage, Jo hota hai achche ke liye hota hai — whatever happens, is for the best. And most of us grow up to believe it and pass it on to the next generation. Situations we have fought and protested against, turns of Fate we have cribbed about, or choices forced upon us that we have kicked out at — haven’t we all so often lived to bless these “adversities?” In retrospect, much of what we desired and didn’t get later seems like stuff we are well rid of, be it a job, a car, some particular house, a dream or even a lover! Life has a strange way of falling into a pattern as we move on, creating an interesting mosaic, which though unfathomable from near, assumes greater meaning as we move further away from it. There seems suddenly to have been a reason for whatever happened. Well, the reason was always there, I guess. Suddenly it seems comprehensible to us. As we move away from a situation and move on in life, we understand why we were denied certain things and how not getting others that we coveted actually was a great blessing for us. There seems to be a Power, someone up there who knows it all. Someone who has laid out the pattern and reveals it to us only bit by bit. As long as you trust in this, you may rest assured that life seems more manageable and you better equipped to handle it. This serves as a great source of solace too. Whenever you don't manage to get what you aimed for, you can always fall back on the face-saver that whatever happens, is for the best! However, let’s not sound facetious here. If you believe in the Power that be, great, if you don’t then you have to believe that the only reason you seem better off without what you got is because you convince yourself into believing so, and it’s no better than a case of sour grapes! I prefer to go with the first explanation…What about you? "

Quick Update

I am still here, still alive, but definitely not kicking . Have had very high fever since the past 2 days and haven't been able to lift my sorry self out of bed let alone blog or check mails.

Was tired of sleeping all day so I thought of checking on my blog and I am overwhelmed with the responses my past few posts have evoked. This is to thank each of you from the bottom of my heart, and to tell you that I shall respond to each of your comments and go through all your blogs once I can gather more strength than I have now.

I am on strong medication and it's working, but all food tastes so bitter!

Hope to be back in action soon!

P.S All your comments made me feel so good. I'm a little higher on energy already! God bless each of you

I can't be that bad!

Mahatma Gandhi once said "You can please some people all of the time, all people some of the time, but you can't please all people all the time!"

In a competitive environment, for some strange reason the equation between a girl and a guy is sparingly that of jealousy, but girls amongst themselves are somehow always at a war with each other! Jealous because someone else looks better, is better, sounds better, dresses better, gets all the male attention. Whatever!

It amazes me how some people can fake it and be all good to you on your face and bitch about you with vengeance behind your back.What cheap thrills do they possibly get out of this? I agree that two people can look at the same thing and think differently and what is perfection personified to one might be the depths of imperfection to the other. Sure I know all that. But I'd like to believe that even teenagers have better sense than to think ill of someone they've just been acquainted with for a week. Here we are talking about grown ups, who refuse to grow up! Why does it upset me so much? I don't know!! No their opinion does not count.Of course I am open to constructive criticism, but this ain't constructive by any stretch of imagination! How in the world can I help it if someone chooses to talk to me and not them? How can I help if I am appreciated for my work and they aren't? How can I help if I choose to be interested in work that they've absolutely no interest or respect for? Like someone once said "I can't go out to each and every person and tell them "Look I am a helluva nice girl, so please talk to me". To each his own. If it makes people feel superior by putting another person down, so be it! Someone up there watches all the goings on, and the person at the receiving end sleeps in peace with this knowledge and a clean conscience.

I've a unique way of dealing with this. Whenever I come across a difficult person, I always silently tell myself "It's alright, you don't have to marry this person, and this won't go on forever. There will come a time when you won't see this person again, and what shall remain will be memories. What this person chooses to retain is none of your business, but you can make sure your memories of the time and person are happy". I just felt like sharing this with whoever bothers to read this. I would be very glad if it is of any help whatsoever!

Just Another day

It's an edge of the seat thrilling scene and someone goes "munch munch munch". It's a happy scene and someone in the background goes "chomp chomp". It's a heartbreakingly sad scene and yea! Someone continues to munch. Wouldn't such a creature irritate the hell out of you? I tried my best to be as quiet as I can, but there is this much that can be muffled! Cheese flavoured popcorn! Blame it on how delicious they were, and how absorbed in the movie I was! The end result? A perfectly happy human being recommending that movie to everyone in sight. This is what perfect Sundays are made of!

Now one way of making the good day better would be a Pizza dripping with cheese and topped with the most delectable topping. And a brownie out of which oozes molten chocolate. Not bad is it :D (Alright it sounds normal to you, but it tasted exotic to me, so there!) (That was an account of my day, since as always I've nothing to blog about but still want to).Which scares me and makes me dread the time when this happiness bubble will burst. But so far so good, shall only get better and what doesn't shall be dealt with.

People like you and me are so blessed. Asking for more would just make us sound greedy. Here we are who can spend so much of cash on eating out and the movies for an amount which would make a family of four in the rural parts of my country, survive for months at a stretch.It sounds so unfair at times. If only they could have enough to go by. Enough to manage three square meals a day. If only wealth wasn't distributed so unequally. If the ones who deserved the job more than I did got it too. I wish someday we get an opportunity to give back to the society as much as it's given us.

Life is such, and the best of it each of us will make.

Just in case any of you are remotely interested, the movie in question was New York (Click to watch the trailer). About the abusive detention of thousands of innocents who were "supposed" suspects in the 9/11 attacks on the world trade center in New York. As if their being singled out because they were Muslims wasn't sad enough, the humiliation they underwent was sheer torture! I am mighty glad President Barack Obama abolished Guantanamo. What makes a person take up the law in his own hands was dealt with very sensitively. So even though no one's asking me how it was, I would say "It was a brilliant piece of cinematic excellence!"

Some insignificant trivia

No thoughts that reek of insight here. Primarily because such stuff doesn't come to me when I am minutes away from hitting the sack.

The past week flew by without me as much as noticing when one day ended and the other began. And before I know it, it's weekend again! Talking of insight that a child in kindergarten is also be capable of:

1. Everything in moderation is uber cool. If everyday is a holiday, weekends mean nothing. But give someone two days out of seven to do his or her own thing and weekends take on a new meaning. Mini Nirvanas to catch your breath!

2. If you think life is predictable, think again. You have no clue where and how the next week sees you. Or for that matter the next day. Believe in miracles dear reader, and continue to pray earnestly (The earnestly is important) (yea I will consider the job of being a nun seriously. For now I am happy making money :D)

So far the work has been fun. It's been more play and less work (and whatever work is there is so very interesting!). Literally. Basketball and football is what we're found playing in our breaks between training sessions. Could it get better? It could. For now, content with this much!

How does my day fly away? Eat, sleep, work and repeat. Too little time, too much to do, and I'm loving it this way :D

P.S The inactivity on this page is suggestive of the author's busy schedule. Please excuse the author for improper time management and bless her and her work. Thank you :D

Happy feet

Breaking news people! Stillness Speaks got a job again!

We got laid off within a week of each other, and now got hired by this company within a week of each other too! To be working with people who you are so comfortable with is a dream!!

I can't believe what just hit me. As I write this, it hasn't even been 24 hours since I made the decision to finally go and apply for this job opening, on impulse. I knew I wouldn't get through. It was just so tough! But how could I not listen to my friend.

A friend who makes sure I am fully equipped with the preparation material. Who makes sure I know the way and don't have to stop to ask for directions. Who keeps dropping by from the training sessions to see how I am faring and keeps reassuring me and wishing me luck. Who brings me a candy and cookies because I haven't had lunch. Who makes sure I get home safely and wants to be called back the moment I do!

If this is dream, don't wake me up! A job which I am very happy about even though it isn't earth shattering material and friends who care so much! I must have done a whole lot of good deeds in the past to have deserved all this. What more can someone want from life! Not much , atleast not now :)

I never share trivia about myself in this space, but this one time, I wanted to include each of you who regularly read me in this happy moment of time.

I have been away all day, which is why I haven't been able to drop by each of your blogs and reply elaborately to each of your heart warming comments. I will for sure very soon.

And for each of you who read me regularly and have become an integral part of my life, I wish to thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting up with me through my dark hours and being with me right through!

Gifts to treasure!

A gift becomes a treasure when you know the person who gave it to you put in a lot of thinking and love into it, and didn't mechanically pick it up. Because he or she wanted to "get done" with it.

Some gifts stand out while others are forgotten and relegated to the dusty cupboard shelves only to be discovered during a clean up operation years later.

The one that remains etched deep in my memory is of the graduation gift my family gave me when I got done with my "killer" degree exams. My first trip abroad. It might not be a big deal, but for me it was. Very big indeed. Travelling on my own made it all the more special.

I cannot begin to tell you how thrilled I was. It was uber scary too. I lose my passport and visa and I lose my identity. What if I got lost in translation? What if there was a situation of involuntary denial of boarding? What if I overslept when it was time to get off and catch a connecting flight? What if I didn't know where to get to, to catch my connecting flight? What if my flight from Mumbai to Amsterdam got delayed and I subsequently missed the one from Amsterdam to Detroit and from Detroit to my final destination? Ofcourse my phone won't work!How would I let my folks all over the world know? Where do I go to get local currency? What if I loose the currency! And then,what if I get hungry! Poor little lost kid! And what if my flight crashes in the middle of nowhere ? Here is an account of what actually ran through my mind:

I would die without :

1. Knowing whether I passed or flunked my exams

2. Being married

3. Having a job

4. Having kids

(Yea all of them are high on my priority list and Yea I can actually be that loony at times! What! You don't trust me!! Fine! Go figure)

But all of this was neatly asked to shut up and stay there and the trip I did take. One thing let to another and realization dawned that making that kind of a trip wasn't rocket science after all (Gee :D )Not that I have never done things on my own or lived on my own. But this was different. I did get there in one piece and got to know of my result two days prior to my home coming. That is what you call torture of the third degree ( I passed yea, and with a first class too. Thank you ,Thank you all!!). Adventures of my visit there and the element of surprise upon my homecoming reserved for later use. Post another day I shall!

We are talking gifts here, and coming back to gifts, there is another something that is extremely special. I had this audio cassette of Robert Miles called 'Children' which was a very special possession which I passed on to a relative (Why? Was feeling overly generous that day because). That was when I was little and in school. Since then I had looked everywhere for another copy of the same but I never found it again, and I mentioned that in passing to a very dear friend of mine one. Several months later when I met this long lost friend, what do I find as a gift? Yes! An audio cassette of Robert Miles -Children! I swear to you I had looked everywhere and never found it, and my friend remembered this one casual conversation and remembered to pick it up when it was spotted! Wow!! Now this is what I call a gift! Still brings a smile to my face :) And reminds me of the thoughtfulness some people put into the things they do.

Another thing that always comes to my mind as special is when I was given a bouquet on my birthday! You will find this queer, but yea, I'd never been gifted that before :) So of course it was special!! Simple things make for great presents for me, because the little things please me no end. Not that I don't notice the big surprises, but the little things have a special place somewhere deep down :)

Just a silly thought!

While you impatiently wait for better things, or want the time to stand still because you haven't had enough of the moment, something quietly ticks by.

This day, this hour, this minute is never ever coming back into your life again. You will never be this old again.

At times it feels that life is really long. At times 24 hours seem very small.

It quietly slips out of the palm of your hand. And the good and the bad that it is taking away with it, will never ever come back.

All that it will leave behind is a lifetime of memories. With it's going everything changes. Darkness gives way to light, pain gives way to relief and.. happiness gives way to sadness.

When everything is so very temporary, what is all the song and dance about anyway. Think about this, and suddenly it's as if someone pressed "Pause". The next moment it's showtime again :)

P.S Didn't register? Don't bother. It wasn't supposed to make a lot of sense either. But do read the disclaimers carefully next time, ok!

P.S

An email forward which adds on to my previous post in some incomprehensible way:

Always tell someone that you love them because you never know what day

Will be their last, or your own.

Always seek to resolve your problems or disagreements with loved ones

Because if either of you should pass on before, the one who is left alive

will have the rest of their life to ponder those unresolved feelings but

will never find closure. And closure usually brings

Resentment, grudges and anger

I know that you know that life is too short to bear grudges. I also know that you know that holding on to anger harms us and us alone. Not the wrong doer. We've all heard that jazz several times over. But there is more to it, than words alone ( I know that you know that as well. Pardon my lack of originality!). There is a reason why they say whatever they do.

I was going through a famous book by Norman Vincent Peale. Which reiterated what I have long observed. Holding onto resentment, ill-will, anger and the associated emotions wreaks havoc on our physical and mental health. So much can go wrong with you physically and not all the time is it related to the junk you ate and it's levels of hygiene. Medicines aren't the answer when the root cause is so deep seated. At times what we need more than anything else is a psychosomatic medicine.

Many people, knowingly and unknowingly do a lot of harm. They at times, have no idea how extensive the damage due to their actions can be. By the time, they do realize it, it becomes a little too late for damage control. But if someone can reverse it, and undo it, it is us. To vilify them for their deeds might do a world of good as far as instant gratification is concerned. But over a period of time, this becomes a habit. And no one else suffers but us. Had they been in the right frame of mind, they would not have done whatever they did. Had they known the good from the bad and ugly, facts would have been very different. How much can you hold against anyone and for how long? Will the feelings of sadness and anger bring about any change in the person who intentionally or unintentionally wronged us? I guess not. They will get on with their lives just they way they have gone on for a long time. You will remain a spec in the landscape of their life events. Why do you make it large? Why glorify things that don't deserve attention, and do yourself more harm than good. The person wronged you and that was the end of story. Your revisiting it is self inflicted torture. If it can do any good whatsoever in making things better, by all means do it. Otherwise there is no point in digging up wounds which have just about started to heal.

Most of the ailments whether we'd like to admit and believe or not, indeed arise from stress. Stress induced by the plethora of negative emotions. Just like we cleanse ourselves every day, we have to cleanse our mind too. To live healthy and to spread good. To realize what all we are capable of. To reach our zenith. A healthy body is one in which dwells a calm mind. Is that possible? I would live to believe it is. Very frankly, we haven't left ourselves a lof of alternatives. We have to give it an honest try. An attempt that becomes a habit.

P.S Why do I torture you thus? Let's just put it this way. I've nothing better to do in life!

Who do you go with?

The heart or the mind? When the two have stubbornly decided to not work in tandem, who do you listen to? More importantly who must you listen to? The one whose logic you cannot defy, or the one whose tuggings won't give you a moment's peace?

Common logic would tell you to stick to what's right. Not what "feels" right. You make a tough call. Thinking that henceforth peace shall prevail. It is supposed to. It should. It will. But when one part of you disagrees with something, chances are it would continue doing so for quite some time. How in the world is that part asked to shut up? How in the world can peace prevail if the battle within rages day and night. Week after week. Month after month. Year after year.

If only it was possible to think from the heart. If only simple things weren't made so complicated by our own doing. If only the trivial wasn't blown out of proportion. If only so much importance wasn't given to the heart. If only the heart could see what was crystal clear to the mind.

Eventually it would be mind over matter. It is the journey till there that is arduous.

Is atonement attainable for the sins that the heart commits? Is redemption a possibility for the admonition that the heart is subjected to at the hands of the mind?

What do you do when the strength that is always your companion simply fails you? What do you do when despite your best efforts, it becomes impossible to contain the tears. What do you do when your sense of purpose deserts you and mocks you for having chosen it in the first place? When the only thing you banked upon to never leave your side, lets go of you? When your dreams come true only to be shattered to bits that can never be put together again?

There must be a ray of hope hiding somewhere behind the clouds. Maybe it is right in front of you and you don't see it. Maybe because you don't want to see it. If the heart can as much as notice a crevice that faces the light and if the mind can as much as feebly will to gather as much strength as is needed to get by the day, things would be easier. One day at a time. Week by week. Month by month. Year by Year.

In response to the parched earth

Most of you would do a double take if some one were to tell you they hated the rains. Who hates the rains? I did ! Until ofcourse I saw the picture above (Uhm.Ahem. Errr. Blush. Whatever :D ) All I could associate the rains with was muck all over the place, dirty clothes and shoes, gloomy weather and exams. Ofcourse my perception did a volte face, post the print commercial for Incredible India's campaign on Kerala in the Monsoons. I remember me and my room mate carefully cutting it out and sticking one copy on the cupboard and another on the wall. We spent a substantial amount of time gawking at it each day. It remained there till some miscreant ran away with them. A sight for sore eyes it is. The rains ofcourse! (What else were you thinking anyways!) The aroma of the earth after the first rains. The arid landscape suddenly coming alive with lush greenery. The slight chill in the air. The breath of fresh air. The sounds of crickets in the cool of the night. The freshness of flora with drops of rain resting gently the morning after. Everything freshly scrubbed clean and brand new. The surreal feeling of a fascinating hill station tucked in far away from the din of the city in the lap of nature. Untouched by human hand. This is now, and that was then.

Now ofcourse, the monsoons are synonymous with the following :

Monsoons for me are incomplete if I don't listen to this sung by

Shubha Mudgal.

Again reminiscent of the time when I was growing up.

A time for hot cups of coffee on the terrace, unlimited helpings of chai (tea) and pakode. Time to

experience the downpour minus an umbrella spoiling the fun. Time for the blues. Time for

some romance ...in the Indian Rain