Just a thought

Having someone you liked a lot leave you and go away never to return didn't exactly fit into your scheme of things. Having someone new become a part of your life wasn't part of the plan either. Having them occupy a place which you thought would never get occupied was again unthought of. A place that you didn't know existed. Without making any noise, they slowly crept into your world. You did resist, but they were keen. You didn't care but they did. They were never a part of your thoughts, but you were. One day you decided to emerge from the pitch darkness. You decided to give life another chance. There was an unspoken promise that they would never leave creating another void which could not be filled. You plunged into life giving it your all. You could name that promise an expectation. You knew it wasn't right. You knew you couldn't allow that to happen again. You knew you were supposed to be indifferent. You had learnt to remain detached. That tiny little voice kept warning you to be careful. You shut it off thinking that prejudice is bad. What happened once, needn't happen again. Won't happen again. But it did. But this time, there wasn't any void. Just hope. Just some strength. Just a smile. Just a lonely tear. Just gratitude.To have had people who helped you see through the darkness. Just some security from the one who planned it all. A promise from Him which assured that He would never leave you alone and would always be there for you and show up in the form of people who were never a part of your plan.

DISCLAIMER: The piece above bears no resemblance to any person living or dead, including the author. This is just a figment of the author's bizarre imagination. Bouquets will be kindly accepted though.

My first award

Jackie gave me the Premio Meme award supposedly for excellence in creative writing and coming up with earth shattering material month after month, year after year (Will you stop yawning please? Thank you so much!). Thanks Jackie :-) I have ALWAYS shied away from tags. But I won't disappoint you, as I didn't disappoint Wanda.

The rule so goes, that I am supposed to tell you 7 facts about myself (hold your breath. Ok release it now) and then, pass this on to 7 other people (People don't cringe if you find your name here. I didn't invent the rules). The blessed 7 who get tagged by me can ignore it or be willing enough to divulge stuff that is private and confidential like I am about to. Well if you ignore this, you won't

1. Suffer from ill-luck for the next 7 years.

2. Die

3. Suffer from stress induced constipation

But atleast tell me that you won't be a sport and why. (Yes I am evil)

Alright people. Here goes:

1. I am a Computer Engineer by education.

2. I have wanted to teach, be a writer (content or technical writing), work for the under privileged in an NGO, work as a shrink, and be a radio jockey .(What's the point in writing about this? Well I am looking for a job since I got laid off last month, so if you spot any, you know who to inform. And don't even tell me about those silly silly job portals, because they haven't come up with anything for as long as I have lived)

3. I don't have to do much to spot grammatical errors or syntax errors in the English language.

4. I am a nature freak and scenic picturesque locations always make me feel wonderful

5. I firmly believe that everything that happened in our life was for our good in some way or the other. It taught us something we would never have learnt otherwise. The sooner we learn our lessons, the sooner the same things stop revisiting as new life situations.

6. This post has taken me longer than any other post has ever taken.

7. I would want to travel the world someday and be in a position to donate millions in charity

Alright, the difficult part is done, now for passing this on. I will pass this on to the regular readers (in alphabetical order) since they will atleast come to know I tagged them:

1. Adisha

2. Bernie

3. Diana

4. Nema

5. Nups

6. Still Thinking

7. Wanda

If you don't find your name here and want to be tagged, please send me a link to your page (with the seven things about you, and proudly say that I tagged you- people don't go back and check) in my comment box, I shall gladly visit it. You will actually be doing a favour and will be filling up for those who default.

Put the glass down

This is a very old e-mail forward. This is a reminder more to myself than you.

Study this small story, Hope that makes a BIG change in YOU

Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students
"How much do you think this glass weighs?"

'50gms!' ..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.


.


"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is:

What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"

'Nothing' …..the students said.

'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.

'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student

"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"

"Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!"
….. ventured another student & all the students laughed

"Very good.

But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?"
asked the professor.

'No'…. Was the answer.

"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"

The students were puzzled.

"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.

"Put the glass down!" said one of the students

"Exactly!" said the professor....

Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.

Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.

It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,Try to solve it as soon as you can before your hand and life becomes numb with the stress
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep ..

That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh &strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!


So, when you leave office today,
Remember friend to
'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY! '

The loss ...

To those who want to know, and to those who don't. To those for whom this matters, and to those for whom this doesn't. Here it is.

My tooth, is no more. With me. It was yanked out this afternoon. Without any sentiments attached. Like it meant nothing to that dentist.

It does not interest you, but there are things you must know. For the unacquainted, the saga began circa middle of this week. My poor little departed tooth was craving attention and space. I could not give it space but it got all the wrong attention. All that it ever did in it's lifetime is give me pain. No one wanted it in this world mouth. Everyone wanted it out. You didn't want it, I didn't want it, the dentist didn't want it either.

There is so much we could have done had we been together. Gorging on delicacies, going for cleaning sessions, the new toothpastes. The works! It's life had just begun. That's the thing with powerless little defenseless creatures. They have no say in life.

Coming back to the gory story. I was made to wait for eternity before I was called. He looks at it for 5 minutes and wants to extract not one but two. He wants all my money and he also wants all my teeth. "No! Never!". I was only prepared for one. He wasn't pleased and asked me to wait for another hour. I thought a better use of my time would be to eat something and that I did. Within minutes of my arrival, I was ushered in. The Anesthetist ( see picture for details) came

in to see me first. His brief instructions to me "It is going to feel like a prick ok?!" He loads the syringe and proceeds to perform the prick. Everything was just as he said only that it felt more like a prick. He refuses to pull the damn thing out for what seems like an eternity. What do I do? Scream as much as I could. Finally he thinks he is done. Or so I thought when he wants to prick again. Alright this was quicker. "Did it hurt? Was it that painful?" If looks could kill, he'd be a dead man.

In walks the doctor. General questions later he tells me that it won't pain at all (The liar) and the most I will feel is pressure. Right. And if it hurts me I am supposed to raise my left hand. Right. No it wasn't pressure it was more than it. I raised both my hands, but I realized that the doc had said that out of courtesy and was in no mood to stop. I nearly caught his hand but was instructed to let go. I yelled and screamed as much as I could, but no one listened. This is precisely what my tooth must have felt too. And within minutes the doctor is done. Calls for a scissor. Yikes!! Alright, the end of gore. He puts something that feels like cotton into my toothless gum and asks me to bite. I oblige. I don't see anything, but feel a tremendous lot. Next the liar taps me on the shoulder. I open one eye and he tells me "Off you go". Neat. He sends a huge bill to my waiting parent citing "Difficult extraction". Time for some quick Math. If 5 minutes of extraction equals 2k, how much will a 10 minute extraction cost?" Nothing for the person who gets it right, so don't even bother.

I run to my waiting parent. He is taken away to buy medicines lest I die out of horror and pain. I look up and see the Anesthetist again. With a lot of instructions on what to do and what not to do, he tells me "Don't speak for an entire day alright!". Now this is new. I've never heard this before. But I didn't speak. It's been 6.5 hours since my tooth left for it's heavenly abode and I still haven't spoken.

I came home and out of sheer sadness fell asleep. I merely shifted when shooting pain hit me. Apparently the effect of anesthesia was wearing off. All hell broke loose. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I wanted to speak, but I couldn't. I wanted to yell, but I couldn't. All the activities involved opening of the mouth which I won't for the life of me if I can avoid it today. I can't stand gore. But it was becoming impossible to swallow a pain killer without opening it. Once it opened, I did speak 4 words "Yes it is paining", had orange juice, a pain killer and strawberry and vanilla ice-cream". Before you recommend ice-packs, I applied those too.

The pain killer somehow got lost in my system, eventually found it's way (Love and pain killers almost always, subsequently, find a way), and kicked in. No pain now, but a very very bad feeling around the area where my tooth once existed.

I don't know where it is now. I don't even know in what state it is in. Several centuries later someone will find it and want to study it in detail.

To my tooth, where ever you are. I want you to know that I loved you very much.

ADDENDUM: This is being issued in public interest (I don't think I can get more vain than this). The author of this post and her toothless self are both doing well. The author does miss her tooth when she takes a trip down the memory lane, but those thoughts will fade with age.

Teething problems

This is just what I am looking like right now, and at the end of the post, I shall even tie my face up. It's the wisdom tooth. It's been trying to come up for a long long time now. It's always been shy of fully exposing itself. It has somehow always chosen to remain partially hidden. In it's state of utter dilemma, it's given me a lot of pain in the past. I have always forgiven it. But not this time. This time I want to get it pulled out before it's time. It does not deserve to be there. I tell you it is just painfully shy at it's best and commitment phobic at it's worst. It does not want to come into this world and do what it is destined to do. The confusion in it's mind, and the pain in my mouth won't do either of us good. It has no idea how murderous I've felt in the past 48 hours and what I can do with the powerless little thing. I could vividly imagine a dentist pulling the poor little defenseless creature out and I could also hear it clank in the metal tray. I would have done that, but the dentist won't be able to pull it out, since it can't even be gripped. All that it knows is to give people pain. That is all that it's DNA taught it to do. It does not want to eat, it does not want to be brushed. It just sits there partially exposed giving me pain, headaches and sleepless and nightmarish nights. I won't even get into the talk of "What did I do to deserve this".

Is there one medicine, one concoction that can set it straight? My mood is oh-so-cranky that I have been spewing venom (no it sounds too bad). I have been telling people exactly what I think of them and their talks. It doesn't go down well with everyone. I learnt that today. Sample this : I was asked what's upsetting me so much that I am badmouthing people (I swear to you the presence of the word mouth was incidental. Dental. Oh Jesus). I replied that it was my wisdom tooth acting up. I get a frantic call and I am advised to chew on cloves, though not a lot. Two hours later I get another call asking me how my tooth is doing. I get at my crankiest best and reply that I am not suffering from a terminal disease and I've made it so far and shall live to see tomorrow as well. Deathly silence at the other end. Is this how well-wishers are treated. No. Not even in my dictionary. I am possessed. I give the caller a few more pearls of my wisdom (pearls?Now you don't want to know why everything is related to teeth is it?). I don't hear from the caller thereafter. How to loose friends and alienate people. I co-authored it.

Now if you're imagining me to be one monster you never thought I could be, forgive me. Today is my day of redemption. Bad mouth me all you want, pull away (pull?!) from the follower list. I won't complain. Truth is, I can't. I'm already feeling pathetic as hell. Do your thing reader.

Addendum: When I wrote this post, I thought that by the time it's my bed time, my addendum would read "There is no cause for concern. The author and her tooth are both doing fine". But apparently, the little one in question does not want to give me that pleasure. It has sobered down a bit though. The shooting pain has converted to niggling pain. But if it doesn't subside, I swear, someone is going to get hurt real bad (read tooth).Much to most people's dismay the author shall live to post another day.

Random shots

I was going through the pictures of the Ajanta Ellora caves that I had taken earlier this year and thought of posting a few here.

Located near the city of Aurangabad in Maharashtra (India), the famous Ajanta and Ellora are cave shrines cut out of rock, by hand, and rank amongst some of the most outstanding specimens of ancient Indian architectural heritage. The 34 caves at Ellora and the 29 caves at Ajanta, remained shrouded in obscurity for over a millennium, till John Smith, a British Army Officer, accidentally stumbled upon them while on a hunting expedition in 1819. Ajanta has been designated as a World Heritage Site, to be preserved as an artistic legacy that will come to inspire and enrich the lives of generations to come.

The Ajanta Caves mostly have paintings that depict the story of Buddism spanning from 200 B.C to 650 A.D. Many of the caves house panels depicting stories from the Jatakas, a rich mine of tales of the several incarnations of the Buddha. Images of nymphs and princesses amongst others, are also elaborately portrayed.

The Ellora Caves are the finest specimens of cave - temple architecture. They house elaborate facades and exquisitely adorned interiors.

There is so much to see in every little part of this world renouned heritage that pictures are not suffice to aptly describe it's beauty. That it was all cut out of rock by mere chisels and hammers speaks volumes on the artmanship of those who undertook this behemoth task. It's said that the entire structure was completed by several generations with the newer generation taking it up from where the older one left. There are some caves which have been left unsculpted. It was inhabited by people of that age, and then abruptly abandoned. With so much attention to detail and every stone, nook and cranny telling a different story, a few visits cannot do justice to this place.

Contemplation

I was reading a book by Richard Carlson some time back, and a certain something stuck with me because I found it queer. He said something to the effect of "Don't catch all the balls that are thrown at you". I found it a wee bit insensitive. But today, I can't agree more. There are as many problems, as there are people. And those who are anything to you, would always discuss theirs with you. And if you care about them even a little bit, you would do everything in your capacity to help them with it. But there comes a point in time, when you must detach yourself from the problem and not make it yours to deal with. Else it becomes humanly impossible to maintain your levels of sanity.

Whether you like it, or you don't, everyone must deal with their problems themselves. You can suggest, you can help. And at other times, there is little than you can do. If there is something that you can do, do it. If you can't, then let it be. That is also how people deal with their own problems, don't they?To be empathetic is good. But to start crying with your neighbor because she lost her dog, does not make a lot of sense. It might sound insensitive (it did to me too), but at times it's necessary to detach. It's not always that you can afford to let someone's bad moods affect your well being.

You have to get a hold on your own happiness. No one will come and give it to you. You have to grab it out of every moment. And not submit to bad moods. Yours and others.

P.S Didn't mean to be preachy, but apparently couldn't avoid it either! Thanks for your patience :)

Weighty issues!

What hadn't happened for the last 9 years finally happened!! My mum's prayers have finally been answered!! ( You can really quit biting your nails now). I finally put on 1.5 kilos (equivalent to 3.3 pounds). Tada! (This is called Much Ado about nothing!)

Fortunately enough, it isn't showing, and I hope it doesn't either. I actually believe in equal distribution of wealth and weight.

Now the enlightened individual who diligently guided me on how to gain this, won't tell me how to loose it. Convenient. Diligently because it actually takes a lot to get me going to the gym every single day. ("Nooo!! I don't feel like", "No you must", "Tomorrow", "Nothing doing. NOW"). Sure I know the health benefits and why I must. But it's such a pain, literally and figuratively, and the sweaty aftermath. Uugh!!

Sure it's way too unhealthy to be underweight, but when you have what people pay wads of money to achieve, why would someone want to give it up!! Alright alright, I know, Size Zero looks pathetic , sucks and all but I still sigh at having gained so much!! Gives me further incentive to hit the gym and loose it( Now this is what they mean by a vicious cycle. You're right. This is the space to be, to look for all the answers)

If you know how to gain weight without it showing, do let me know. I would not mind that AT ALL. And my so many readers would benefit from your insightful comments too (Did I just hear someone say "You Wish!!" )

But people, you have to get moving. Sure you know that. One because you've just realized what a terrible waste of time this piece was ( I never claimed this space was supposed to make sense anyway and be original), and two because you know it's healthy to move it (Reminds me of "I like to move it move it- Madagascar")

Addendum: To all those who've gotten this far, I'd like to say, that I am not Size zero and I don't propagate this either!! To all the ladies, teenagers and adolescents- Please eat healthy, and exercise. It will do you more good than looking famished! You can be healthy and still look fabulous! Those who've seen me can vouch for that (He haw, who am I trying to kid). Anyways, message conveyed, and I am sure point taken :)

About nothing

Seriously! Hadn't updated this space in quite some time, and wasn't showing any signs of doing it either, other than by force! Bloggers Block. Happens to the best of us. Actually worst of us. Which ever way you'd like to think actually!

Another of those days when you'd want to sit by yourself and stare into space (I'm staring too, but bright and insightful idea's aren't hitting me, so if you don't have a lot of time to waste, you can quit at this stage. I would mind, but that's fine! We can always work that out later)

When you wouldn't mind life passing you by! You know the feeling, when nothing makes a difference. Good bad ugly irritating. All seem the same, and you're still staring! A butterfly flits by, and you're still staring. Someone yells at you, you smile, and yes you got it right! Bingo! you're still staring!! You're writing a piece, and you stop, because you so want to stare!!Sounds familiar, or is it just me? I think, it just might be me! Never you mind!

The weather isn't helping either. It's confused between wanting to rain and being it's nice bright sunny self. It should be able to make up it's mind soon.

Almost every second person I am acquainted with is getting married. You'd think they all do it together.We all went to school and college together, and now matrimony within days and months of each other. Neat! Am waiting to hear accounts of their weddings and lives after. Pretty interesting.

Two things aren't making much sense to me though. One , why would the US give billions of dollars in aid to our neighboring country, even when it has proof that it's funds are being misused. I mean people in the US are going without jobs, the biggest of companies are filing for chapter 11 bankruptcy, and the US decides to divert it's funds to our neighbor so it can nuke us! Hell what have we done! Two, why are poor lil Indians being beaten up down under? Awwww. Indians are nice people you know! Don't beat the shit out of them!

I just gave out a big yawn and I don't even wish to imagine what you're going through. So we'll end this here happily. Long live humanity and as peacefully and happily as it can!

Hurts to listen?

Now whether you are a seven year old, or  a seventy year old, problems are something you are familiar with. The world might be burning away and might make you feel bad and sad, but your problems are still bigger than every one else's, or so it seems when you are confronted with them, day in and day out. At times it makes you feel that it's an everyday battle that you have to win. And beyond a certain point in time, winning or loosing does not even matter. You don't want to face it and want the battle to end. At times you know there is no solution. You know at times, hope is the only solution. What's the most you'd want in times like these to see through the rough patch? Maybe someone who can listen to you without being judgemental. Maybe someone who  can side with you, even though both of you know you were in the wrong. Maybe you weren't .Maybe someone who can just support you through it. Clearly not too much to ask for is it? What else are family and friends for anyways, it's said!

Which is what you'd expect, and which is whom you'd want to turn to in moments of despair. But sometimes in the biggest of crisis, when you are so hoping for their unconditional support is when they do a volte face. Ofcourse they still want your good and want you out of the situation as much as you. Problems arise when you wish to talk, and they don't wish to. They fear that the more you talk about unpleasant things, the more it would make you think, and the sadder you'd get. But at times you really want a heart to heart conversation even though it's been discussed umpteen times. If it's bothering you, it can't be that simple to just brush it aside. The well wisher's aren't wrong. They really want you to get over whatever it is that you are getting over. But somehow they end up thinking that brushing things under the carpet is the way out. You don't see it, hence it can't bother you. Logically yes, that is how it should be.

At times they just shy away because they don't know how to help you deal with it, since they've never dealt with it themselves. At times they feel incapable of giving any advise. At times advise isn't even what you're looking for. Maybe just a reassurance. Maybe just a little more hope. Maybe agreeing with you on how bad the manager is. Maybe siding with you to badmouth someone who accidentally got into your bad books until all feels well again. 

What surprises me is why is that too much to ask for at times. Why is it too much to expect out of people who are guaranteed to be around you in the good times. Why does listening to your issues irritate them so much? When you've always been there to listen to theirs. Why do they expect you to be in a jolly mood 365 days of the year, 24 hours a day? 

You might have no idea, how much your patiently listening for the umpteenth time can help your dear one. Eventually they will heal. Time does heal everything. But with your help, it could be so much faster. Don't let them down when they bank upon you so much. When your time and patience is all that they seek. Be there. When they need you the most. Even though it irritates you no end to hear them rant about the same inconsequential things. Maybe you can give them some pearls of wisdom that might make them see things differently and bring about an instant turn around. Or maybe you can just listen and they will get enlightenment themselves :)

Goodness Graces Me!

Stumps me!! How can people be so good without asking for anything in return!! It's people like these who you look up to for inspiration! Never one to complain, but always there to hear you whine about things inconsequential. Never putting their wishes first, but always catering to every whim of yours. The reservoirs of patience and all things good.No matter where you land yourself, they are always there to get you out of the mess.The "feel-good" people. Who let you be yourself and love it. Who make you realize how much you're worth by their constant reassurances!

The stuff that people like these are made of is intriguing. Makes you feel why others aren't like them, or for that matter, why you aren't like them. Makes you want to ask "Where have you been all these years?". 

Life does take a lot away from you, but it also gives you back in kind. When it gives you problems, it also gives you solutions. When it gives you hardships, it also gives you people like these to tide over them. When you think you can't take it anymore. When you think you've had it this far.They come to you like a blessing you so badly prayed for.

Good times are made in the company of these holier than thou lot. Bad times make you want to reach out to them for solace. People who have a calming effect on you. Who make you feel that all is still well with the world. A little more like these and we could call this place perfect!

All of us have it in us, we probably just aren't expressive enough. We do care, but other things take precedence. We do worry, but life has hardened us enough to feel that others are capable of taking care of themselves. We do feel gratitude when good things happen to us like a bolt from the blue, but we brush it off because there are still many things the heart desires.

A lot of things matter in life, a lot needs to be achieved. But imagine all the achievements in the world, all the accolades, all the brickbats without these pillars of strength. Friends, family, acquaintances. Everyone who saw you on the way up.  Everyone who made the going so much easier.Would it mean the same without them? People who calm you down when the nerves are frayed. Who celebrate your every win, no matter how small. Who make you feel that no matter how much you do for them, it would never be enough. It would just not measure up!

One thing that we can't afford to do is not acknowledge their presence in our lives. We can't assume that they'd just understand. They might. They might not even want you to say "Thank you". But one thing you'd rather not do is reminisce about it twenty years down the line and wish you'd thanked them enough for all that they did for you when the going wasn't good. For shaping the person that you are. For getting you where you are. The time, is now.

No time ?

How often have we put off calling near and dear ones under the pretext of being busy? Are we really that busy? Is there really no time? Not even 5 minutes? "The coming weekend or the upcoming holiday for sure" we say and bury the guilt of not having done something we could have done. And when the said day does come, there are still a dozen things to be attended to before we can take a breather. "There is always time! They'd understand, which is why they are my own"

What if someone were to tell you, that it is now or never? For you or for the one you had wanted to speak to? Would you believe them? Who are we trying to kid when we think that we have forever to do some things?

Distances keep growing, while you were busy trying to get a hold on your life. Then one fine day when you really wish to talk to them, you make that call. The conversation happens, but is way too shallow. You fail to find that connection. We get alienated all the more from people who knew us in and out once. Who could understand us by the mere look on our faces. But now with so much to catch up on, can you really blame them for not understanding what lies beneath?

Maybe family will still forgive you for the neglect, but the hurt would remain.Can you make the same expectation from everyone though? 

Certain things need continous working upon. Constant building, constant maintenance. Else the cracks deepen. The distances become so much that even a crisis seems trivial to be discussed. Are you ready for that kind of a neglect? Would you have an answer for your best pal's question "Where were you when I needed you so much?"

Does it really take that much? If you can think about them a dozen times a day,it is that difficult to send them a tiny email or make a 2 minute call?