Near yet far..

Have you ever caught yourself taking people and things for granted? Assuming that you'll still find them when you wake up the next morning? Equating them to the likeness of the sun rising in the east no matter what happens in your life? Let alone the others, in the race against time, have you ever taken yourself for granted? Today you are full of energy and vigor and tomorrow your body fails you (Jeez, that's a scary thought!! I have to report to work the day after . Illness shall have to wait until the next weekend). 

We are often advised to slow down, stop and smell the flowers. Until we find that we are the only ones indulging in olfactory gratification. Time waits for none. Never did. Never will. But if we go into an overdrive, something will always catch up with us. And that is as definite as the sun rising in the east, even if there is a holocaust tomorrow.

The times we live in are queer. There was a time when people would bear it all and still stick their neck out for the ones they loved. It didn't matter to them, how they would make ends meet, but they clung to the only thing that gave them happiness. Being with each other. Today practicality runs in our genes. What's important to us today is whether we will be able to lead a good life post marriage or not. And by a good life we mean a plush accomodation with all the traps that money can buy. Today asking for your spouse's time is not giving them enough space. You spent years woing your wife/husband, and today when they are by your side, you suddenly find yourself innundated with trillions of things which are pressing for your time. Work suddenly takes priority. It's like you have a battle to win each day and amass things. We have no time for the subtle nuances of life which earlier occupied all of our mind's landscape. We hurt our loved ones but we hope they would understand. It reminds me of this garfield strip where John tells Garfield- "You cats! All you do is  take, take take!" to which garfield remarks "Yeah! Give Give Give!". We want our loved one's to compromise, to adjust, to change. We don't sense any need for change anyway. We aren't wrong. The others are. There was a time when we could understand each others silences. Today we have difficulty understanding the spoken word. Our parents gave up their all to make us what we are today. They made sacrifices we aren't even aware of, and maybe, we never will be. But today in a bid to find our space in the sun, we neglect them. With the hope they'll understand. Yes they will. They always have. They might not say it, but they need us as much as we needed them when we were infants. They don't need our money. They don't need our help. All they need is our time. Today with them by our side, we want to reach as high as we can in our careers. When we are finally where we wanted to reach, we will be happy. But that will be shallow. Suddenly all that will mean nothing. Because we have no one to share it with. Life will seem empty even when we have everything money could buy. The best things in life are always free. Will always remain so. Let's not loose our sources of love, inspiration and trust in a race against time. Let's not cease being humans. Let's not be near yet so far. Time doesn't come back. Neither will these people.

Change

It's said that the only thing that is constant in life is change. Nothing pathbreakingly new really. But this is my Tech Lead's take on the same which I thought was worth thinking about. So here goes- He says that most of us typically go through 5 stages on our path to change. 

Stage 1: Denial Here is when you refuse to accept anything new because you are oh-so-comfy in your comfort zone

Stage 2: Emotional Here is when you exclaim "Why me?! Out of all people why did I have to go through this?"

Stage 3: Blackmailing Here is when you try and get public support to launch a morcha against change

Stage 4: Guilty Here is when you start to notice that everyone around is slowly accepting the change and you're the only remnant who is still stupidly stuck to his/her guns. You begin to ridicule your thinking for being so closed to change and all things good

Stage 5: Acceptance  Here is when you finally accept the change (because maybe you don't have another alternative!!)

And then there are the people who work smart and go from stage 1 to stage 5 in three easy steps

Step 1: Denial Common logic tells you that the person recommending change isn't in his right frame of mind.

Step 2: Screw You acknowledge the fact that someone's sole motto in life is to screw your happiness

Step 3: Accept You accept the change wholeheartedly or half heartedly or heartlessly because you agree that it's either his/her way or the highway

Now ain't that smart! Nothing lasts forever. Not the good times, not the bad ones. If the bad times are shortlived, the good times are shorter( Now is that negative thinking or what!) But the best part is nothing lasts (or is it). So if you're going through a rough patch in life, you are bound to see good times too, and real soon at that. And if you've never been as happy in your life as you are now, you are bound to have a dekko at what rock bottom looks like too. Everything in life kind of balances itself. 

Now why the good times don't last forever is something I am still in the process of researching. So you will know once the results are out. For now the only thing that strikes me, besides your karma and karmic debts ofcourse is TRP's. It sure gives someone kicks to see a story with all the possible twists and turns. With dramatic endings. New beginnings. Second innings. The good finding their place in the sun. The bad reaching the pinnacles of success, only to learn one or two hard and life transforming lessons. 

There will be times when the people you held in high esteem, people you respected and loved desert you for no plausible rhyme or reason. There will be times when you put your heart and soul into doing something and along comes someone who demotivates you to the core, generously giving you his/her pearls of wisdom, telling you what you ought to be doing, and what you could have done and what would have happened had you done that. There will also be times when you taste success. There will be moments when you find tears stolling down your cheeks in public for efforts that paid off and genuine appreciation that comes your way with arms outstreched. There will be times when you find yourself misty eyed when you see nice stuff happening to nice people. 

Stillness Speak's gyan for the day: Keep the faith, tomorrow just might be better than any other day you've ever had. 

The Ultimate Truth

Sundays

God's blessing to the battered humans in possession of frayed nerves! I've looked forward to this day all of last week and always do so each week. The day one can do as he/she pleases. If you don't feel like dragging your sorry ass out of the bed, don't do it!Stay there until the aroma of freshly brewed coffee tantalizes your senses enough to come drifting back to reality. (Officials at Nescafe may feel free to pay me.Thank you!) Coffee and the morning newspapers which give you abundant food for thought. Deadly combination!

If you are blessed enough to stay with someone who can boast of modest culinary skills, you're set! What more do you want?! Maybe a visit to the spa in the picturesque locales of Bali. If someone is feeling overly generous with their cash, you know who to contact!(Someone just yelled "Keep dreaming", and I heard that!!)

I believe Sundays can be best enjoyed in the lap of nature. What bliss it must be to walk among fallen maple leaves and see trees in full bloom with leaves of every imaginable hue and color! Human company of the compatible kind and soul stirring music can only make it better :-) (Alright, why do I keep coming back to that! Hmm...I will investigate)

If you're blessed enough to have that someone special in your life, a candlelight dinner in an exotic ambience can be the perfect ending to your Sunday, and if you're single, please substitute a bunch of great friends for that someone special and keep everything else mentioned above the same. 

Just when you don't want this day to ever end, comes rushing back the reality of the day after. Monday and everything associated with that day and the week. Which is why they call it the Monday blues.  Look to your right for inspiration. You just might get motivated accidentally!

So how was your Sunday and what did you do to make it one of the best you've had in some time?

Pep talk

Here's a story which my manager narrated to me today and it made profound sense to me. Kind of set the alarm bells inside ringing. Here goes-

Once upon a time there was a teacher and his disciple. The teacher taught the student many things and the student absorbed everything like a sponge. When the student was tested, he performed brilliantly, but there wasn't a trace of happiness or satisfaction on the teacher's face. The teacher took greater pains to teach his disciple all the tricks and tips. The student worked harder in the hope that this time his teacher will be pleased. Again when he was tested, he did well but the teacher wasn't happy. It went on this way for a long time. Then slowly the student began to get frustrated. He could take it no more. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, there wasn't an iota of appreciation from the teacher nor a pat on the back for a job well done. He decided to give up. He decided to end his life but before he did that, he concluded that his teacher didn't have a right to live either. He decided to commit suicide by jumping off the building after throwing a huge and heavy stone on the teacher's head as the teacher walked out of the building. He waited patiently for his teacher to emerge. His teacher came out with another teacher. The student couldn't decide upon the moment of throwing the stone, because he didn't want to kill the other teacher. That way it would be a lost cause. He happened to overhear the conversation between his teacher and the other teacher. The other teacher said to the first one "This guy has worked so hard. He is the best student we have, but never have you shown him any appreciation, nor have you patted him on the back. Why is that?" To that the teacher replied "I know he is the best, you know he is the best, but he does not know he is the best. If I tell him, that he is the best, he will stop working and will never realize his full potential. I know for a fact that he is capable of much more than this and I want him to get to the greatest height possible."

I found astounding similarities between life and that teacher. We work very hard in our lives just like that student. We learn from our mistakes and always strive to better our best. But it isn't everytime that life rewards us. It isn't everytime that our family and friends come up with kind, encouraging and optimistic words for us. There are times when our efforts go unnoticed. When our turmoil isn't acknowledged. But that does not mean we give up. Because that is an indication that we are capable of more than we think we are. It's said that gold gets purified only when it passes through the fire seven times. Not everyone goes through the fire. Not everyone has an equal amount of hardships to face in life. Because not everyone is like gold. 

Random Thoughts

When I had started this blog, I was sure that my sole audience is going to me myself and the lady who made me start this. Today, it is so heartening to know that my readership spans continents !! I don't mean to sound like a celebrity writer or something.  Just that little things matter a lot to me. I jumped with joy when I had 8 visitors. I was ecstatic when I got my first comment. So with the visitor count increasing everyday and comments pouring in from every where, I'm on top of the world. I am really happy to note that you can connect with what I write. Appreciation is always heady but it leaves a serene after-effect. So here is a big thank you to everyone who bothers to read what I write. It really humbles me (Don't I have the makings of a celebrity already!! But hey I really mean what I am saying !!)

We all love to be appreciated for the little things we do. Stuff that cries for attention and stuff we do altruistically. Why then do people hold back their appreciation ( No I am not referring to my writings at all. I am overwhelmed already)? I am sure a few kind words don't cost that much! To you it just might be an acknowledgement of something nice you see, but to the other it might mean the world. It is all the hope he/she needs to get by. (Why do I preach so much! I've no clue seriously)

And then we have the feather brained emotion- jealously. I fail to comprehend it. What purpose does it serve? It takes tremendous amount of emotional energy to hate someone, or think ill of him/her and feel jealous. According to me it is such a useless emotion! (If you are jealous that a scoundrel is doing exceptionally well in life, I'm with you. Actually not. The law of karma shall take care of the scoundrel. Why bother yourself silly!). I just read this morning that great people are those who genuinely make you feel you are great and are capable of doing big things. The others have a long way to go before they reach anywhere close.

It's such a crappy mentality to bring someone down because you aren't at his/her level. Even children these days are smart enough to know that. (I am presuming again. I dont have hands on experience here). But we can't alter people's thinking. So it is in our best interests not to let the little things get to us and rob our sanity and peace of mind. Everyone has their own journey to make with destinations predetermined. Ten years down the line one nasty comment or action will make no difference to our lives. Why waste our precious mental energy over the frivolous?

And then there are people who are forever hidden behind a mask. They might come across as electrifying, lively and jovial and will obviously attract a huge fan following. But beneath this aura lurks a sinister personality. What does someone get out of playing mind games or trying to find someone's vulnerable side to exploit it later? It's such a tremendous waste of mental energy!( I don't again mean to sound like I am all knowing or something, but seriously, I don't get it) Anyway, to each his own. 

Stillness Speaks' gyan for the day: Do what makes you happy, and hold on to the happy feeling for as long as you can. 

Dream another dream..

We've heard people wax eloquent about the power of dreams. About how every dream can materialize if we work towards it. About all of this firing people up and making them go dramatically 'I have a dream'! The intention here isn't to decry those who believe in their dreams. Most certainly not. If it wasn't for dreams we'd be walking aimlessly in an already aimless life!

There is so much that we want from life at every point in our lives. When we are young we have the most bizzare dreams which become a serious fixation. We pursue them full octane paying no heed to anyone or anything, until practicality hits us hard. There are some things you genuinely don't have the genes to do, and certain others that you must not do, since you are more capable of doing worthier stuff. Anyone and everything leaves an impression on the impressionable mind. You have a fabulous English teacher and that is who you want to become. You are applauded for being such a big help by doing the dishes well and in moments of desperation that is all you think you are capable of.You do well in Commerce and that is what you want to pursue wholeheartedly. You see Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge and you want your Raj to sweep you off your feet and love you unconditionally! All until you grow up and people tell you that there is more you can do with your career than teach. Until your peers mock you for nursing ambitions of being a fantastic housewife. Until it is drilled into you that you are made to pursue Science and not Commerce. Until you realize that Raj never loved you, forget the unconditional part and his life will go on as smootly with or without you. ( Interesting trivia: Shahrukh Khan got it all wrong when he said that nice things happen to nice people. Correction: Amazing things happen to the blessed, the bad people and the blessed bad people. )

Then there are the expensive dreams. Dreams of travelling the world, dreams of owning the most envied brands that were ever made, dreams of helping people get back on their feet.Those you can't indulge in until you've saved enough. You keep working, keep saving. The dreams keep getting bigger and better. 

Some dreams are just not practical enough, and for others, this isn't the right time( Pray what IS the right time then! I don't know!!) . But dreams can't die. In fact they don't. They have to be kept alive. Which is why you find people pursuing two totally unrelated careers simultaneously. Which is why you see the filthy rich giving away liberally to charity anonymously. Which is why you see yourself taking a much needed holiday every once in a while to hike up the mountains to  see the sun set. Which is why no matter how brutally your heart was broken, you still hope that destiny won't desert you and shall soon invite you for a rendevous with your soulmate :-)

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens"- Carl Jung

The best things in life..

Are free. It's savagely argued I know but I wouldn't get into that bit here. 

The best things in life are also:

1. Illegal

2. Banned

3. Fattening

4. Married to someone else

Now ain't that so true. Good people (read guys in this context) are a near extinct species. And the few "stellar remnants" are committed or married to someone else. Wow! Where are they found? What do they look like?And why don't they come with some certification degree or a placard announcing their credentials! (Sigh!) My prince charming definitely seems to have lost his way and is way too stubborn to ask for directions (Further sighs!). No this post isn't about all that at all. Infact it is about nothing at all. 

When you punish someone and the person in question serves his/her sentence with utmost sincerity the law of the land always lessens the sentence because of his/her good conduct. Pretty logical. When the person has learnt his lesson and vows never to repeat the offense, he/ she must be let off. But life, at times, seems to be very unforgiving and I wonder why. If the theory about karmic debts is true, then when does the divine hand come down to ease your burden? Everyone is entitled to a little bit of rest after a hard task. Life, they are right, isn't fair, neither is it meant to be. It is just the way it is. Agreed. But there must be some way to get through it with as minimal pain as possible. The big question is where is that way. Yes you must distract yourself and not make the situation more difficult than it is, but isn't that closing your eyes to the fact? Isn't that pretending the problem does not exist? 

Lucky are those set of gifted people who snap out of problems as soon as they get into them. The lesser mortals have even got to learn that. Which is why, weekends are bad. They give me time to think :-)

Even though most of us are blessed enough to be able to enjoy the company of family and friends, we are still so lonely. Completely isolated in times of crisis. It's truly your problem, so you deal with it. Laugh and everyone laughs with you, cry and no one as much as comes over to lend a shoulder. Jeez why! Just what horrendous crimes have the lesser mortals committed to be where they are! Where is the so called divine intervention? Is the "happily ever after" possible only in fairy tales? Either we have our priorities all wrong, or we are truly living in bad times. 

If it's all in your mind, I've yet to understand why at times, there is no end to the bad times.Why is it such a "job" to hold onto to the happy times? Maybe we just expect a lot out of our lives. Or maybe we give a lot of importance to the stuff that didn't happen, or the things we didn't get. 

Too many why's in too little a space, I agree. The answers are yet to hit me.  Shall let you know when I achieve nirvana :-) 

Time to watch Andaaz Apna Apna one more time :-) Here's to the upcoming good times :-D

Valentine's of 2009

Valentine's on a weekend. What more can someone ask for?! A valentine if you don't already have one, but what the heck! Even without one can be so much fun. How often do you get to listen to the choicest love songs of the sickeningly sweet and heady variety blaring from a radio inches away from you? All through the day, into the night! This is another aspect that is  missed sorely when you aren't in this country. They just don't have radio stations like we do anywhere!(I've yet to develop a taste for world music. Alright, I agree I am musically challenged to restrict myself to Hindi and retro English). 

Even if you are down in the dumps for a reason best known to you, all you need today is a change of thought and you're set. You just can't feel sad listening to A.R Rehman with the volume turned up to 28 (or whichever singer/composer/genre pleases your ear drums). I've tried hard to get over the songs from Sathiya,but with zilch success. Ditto with Enigma's "Sadness" and "Loneliness". God bless them all for creating such divine melodies. (You might not agree with my playlist, but that's ok, kindly substitute it with your own favourites).

I am just so drunk with happiness today, for no apparent rhyme or reason. (Does that happen to you too, when you are hit with a day like this?). And no, before you start thinking, I am not on anything.

Problems which otherwise occupy much of our mental space, tend to fall into perspective when we are in a trouble free state of mind. All peaceful and tranquil. Everything seems well with the world. You're right.I seriously am not in the right frame of mind, so shall not indulge further in mental torture (emotional atyachaar anyone?! :-) ) 

"If music be the food of love, play on!"

P.S Have to listen to my daily dose of Masakalli (Delhi-6). Have a swell Valentine's day :-)

When all you want from life is ....

More weekends, so you can sleep some more! What is it about jobs that leaves just this to be desired?!

If one fine day, all the workplaces decide that in addition to lunch/breakfast/dinner, they will even provide their employees free lodging, people like me, might never come home. So much for loyalty! 

Human nature! Never really satisfied with what we have are we? There are those who crib they don't have a job and there are those who crib about having one. I have yet to meet a third category. Where do I fall? In both of the above. 

Just because the folks who hired me are hardcore workaholics with zero family life, does not mean the employees have none either! It's time employers understand that their workforce comprises mainly of a human workforce which needs more than 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I know I am sounding like I want to be paid for doing nothing but sitting at home and watching the daily soaps. That actually sounds like a great idea too, but who's listening?

I don't have the time to really crib my heart out, so I shall reserve it for the weekend. And to all my readers( he haw- like I have many), here's wishing you a very Happy Valentine's Day. I shall spend mine..err..sleeping (ALONE). Thank you :-)

Further reflections

We've often heard it said that "hate" is a very strong word. Everyday there is so much that happens that we dislike. The degree varies from mild irritants to severe pain in the necks( literally and otherwise). From the weather, to the traffic, to the situation we find ourselves in, to the people who rub us the wrong way. And very frankly, it isn't even easy to move away from the objects that inspire this wretched emotion, without mouthing some obscenities. I was thinking of this yesterday ( Confessions of a mind gone idle), when an abstract thought struck me. Picture this. 

You just bought yourself a house with all your savings and are a proud owner. You take great pains to maintain it and keep it looking pretty, inviting and new. One fine evening you see a bunch of kids playing close to your exotic house. You watch them play ,enjoying their antics from a distance. Suddenly without a warning, a ball comes your way and smashes your window into a thousand pieces. The kids could have deliberately done this because for some reason known to them, they didn't like you and this was a harmless way of driving you insane. Maybe they just wanted to get even with you for something.And it could also be that they were so engrossed in their game that they became oblivious to their surroundings.It was probably just a shot that pretty much misfired. Probably they never meant to cause you any agony- mental or financial, and this just happened. It could also be a combination of the two. You see a bunch of faces with concern and fear writ large and bold while a few are grinning end to end. 98% of the people would loose their cool upon witnessing this and the other 2% I am unsure of. The apologetic bunch come over to profess how sorry they are. Now whether they mean it or not is another story. The others try to flee. You have torn apart your hair already. The day comes to an end, the window gets repaired in the coming week and the kids quit playing dangerously close to your place to avoid a repeat mishap. Pretty much the end of story.

Now coming to how this affects you. The day it happens, you get very worked up. It just might be difficult to find that rare type of glass that you picked from several others. It just might be very expensive. Material losses and mental agony later, does it have a profound impact on you? Two years down the line, when you are reminded of this incident, will you still break into tears? Will you remember the face of that child who unceremoniously shattered your window?Fifteen years down the line when you see the same child all grown up and working at a responsible position somewhere, will you find yourself maintaining a strict distance from him, because "he" was the one? I don't think so. Maybe you might sit with him over coffee and laugh it off, sending him into fits of embarrassment. Now is this because the "offender" was younger to you and the loss was just material? Is that because we don't see a kid as our equal and forgiveness comes easily with them? Or is it because there wasn't much of an emotional hurt? I'm driven to lean towards the latter. But no matter how you view this situation, how you "feel" about the situation will pretty much (why am I using the word "pretty" so much, I am not aware of) be the same. Fifteen years down the line it won't pain that much, just like the tooth extraction doesn't pain a month down the line. Yes you do remember it, but it doesn't hurt you anymore. 

Forgiveness is a much talked about emotion. For the kid who fled the crime scene this situation is out of sight and out of mind. Revisiting unpleasant memories is akin to excavating a fresh wound. Let it be and it heals faster and with the new age creams, it doesn't even leave a scar. So in the end it all boils down to this- Don't sweat the small stuff, AND, it's all small stuff (Title courtesy Richard Carlson)

Defining moments!

"Out of my mind. Shall not be back in a while"

Relaying the chaos within. Tonight's plagiarism brought to you by Lord Murphy

1.  If anything can go wrong, it will

Corollary: It can
Corollary: It should
Corollary: At the most inopportune time
Extension: it will be all your fault, and everyone will know it.

2. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one           to go wrong
      Extreme version: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage       will be the FIRST to go wrong

3. In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.

4.Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
     Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.

5. Nothing is as easy as it looks.

6. Every solution breeds new problems.

7.   Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you, the worse you know when this will happen,
and vice-versa.
and Relativistic correction of Murphy's law:
Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.

8. If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.

9.  Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it. 

AND

           Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want.

10.  Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD.

 I am feeling better already!