This is me!

You've long wanted to associate a picture with the person behind this blog (Oh yea, like it's overly famous!! bah!). You've imagined her to be young, old, ugly, silly , bloated. This is who I am.

Owing to my paranoia, I might pull the picture off. That is again me! But if the paparazzi doesn't hound me, and the hired goons don't kill me, I might post some more.

Thought for the day though: We often look upon some jobs as high profile and others as menial. But if you think about it, every job big and small has it's own importance and contributes positively towards society. If the garbage truck doesn't come to pick up garbage for a week, life would be miserable. But someone's got to do it! If people who grow food, didn't do it, we'd all die of starvation. If we didn't have people work for us, it would be so difficult to do everything on our own. Everyone does whatever they do, to help each other out. Some get paid more, some less. Ironically, the so called low profile jobs require the maximum amount of hard work and the people who do it, are often not paid what's due to them. Which is so sad. Housewives don't have an easy life either. From cooking to cleaning, to washing to ironing, to taking care of family. They do it all. And never get paid. Here's to everyone who does whatever! Thank you for making the lives of others so much easier and happier! You are contributing to society in more ways that you can think of. I am proud of what you do :) I truly am!

Issues with adipose...

There is no denying the fact that the metabolism rate drops as you age. Even if you survive on air and water all day, the weight only seems to increase. On this very holy space about a year ago, I had proudly claimed that no matter what I eat, I refuse to put on weight. Sigh! Alas! Poor me. That was last year. The amount of weight I am putting on scares me! Gymming check (Ohk I admit- whenever I find time). Using the stairs all day check. Guzzling water check. Green tea check. Eating healthy check. Nothing. Zilch. No loss. Only gain of bulges here and there! 

I guess mother nature liked me better with the bonny baby looks. Slim just isn't in! A brilliant thought struck me the other day. Why try to forcibly fit into clothes you wore as a teenager? The baggier the better. Atleast it takes the attention away from the excess deposits of adipose tissue.

There must be a trick. Some magical herb eating which makes you healthy and doesn't even reduce the weight. In Google I trust even though it's competitor... Ehem. Never mind. 

Have you noticed?

It's been days maybe weeks since you had a hearty laugh. The kind where you have to stop because your stomach hurts so much and you run the risk of dying due to asphyxiation? Well, kind courtesy life and it's complications, this isn't difficult to achieve. Is it? Or maybe it's just me. Yea, it's just me.

And just when you begin to think how serious can serious get, you yourself break the self created mold. Why so serious! is what you ask yourself. And wonder what the fuss and high voltage drama was all about. 

Something inanely silly which should ideally just evoke a smile sees you in break into peals of laughter. The more you laugh the more everything seems funny. Everything. 

When phones aren't allowed in the work area, someone ducks under the table to evade the security cameras to call Mc Donald's in a different city to order burgers for lunch. Mc Donald's is in the building opposite ours. I haven't laughed that loud in a long time. 

You remember the time when in school the entire class was punished and someone made a funny remark and you couldn't control your giggles. You had to stay shut but couldn't. 

Or when you were drinking water and someone cracked an impromptu joke and you couldn't for the life of you gulp that one sip down.

I guess life has it's own way of telling us to quit being so serious, let loose and really enjoy our time here!

Growing older...Just maybe growing wiser...

As you grow older...

The songs you always heard as a child begin to mean much more than they did back then. It's as if you were hearing them, but not really listening.

You actually begin to put others first and discover that you've a reservoir of empathy in you.

You feel more deeply than you did back then.

You think more than you did back then. (And catch yourself thinking why you are turning into a chronic thinker)

You find that your body isn't as agile as it was way back then. You feel it cry out for attention and care. Body parts you didn't know existed ache. And obviously it frightens you.

When you were still in school or college you longed to work and be a part of the clan of working professionals. Now that you are there, you long to take a long vacation where work isn't on your list of things to do.

You realize that if you aren't satisfied with what's being given to you now, you won't be satisfied even when you reach "there" and achieve "that".

You actually start paying attention to those anti-ageing creams advertisements. You weight suddenly begins to bother you.

Weekends are cherished no end. Because it means putting your feet up and doing what makes your soul happy. If it helps, doing nothing. Which has remained the same though. Holidays were always cherished. But the difference is you now want them in moderation. Because you realize the hazards of excess. Excess of anything.

You want to make a difference and raise a voice every now and then. Sometimes the world around pays heed to it. Sometimes your voice just drowns.

If out of the blue someone asks you to list the things that make you happy, it gets you thinking- deep and hard. Because you've never paid attention to your own happiness. You've drifted with the flow seeking those moments where things fall into your scheme of things thus making you happy. You realize there is more to happiness than that.

You critically examine yourself and for the first time see yourself with lots of faults. Which you want to rectify overnight.

You suddenly realize that the list of things you want to do before you die, is growing. And not much is being struck off.

You realize that inner peace is what you need the most. Peace=Love= Wisdom= Happiness.

You suddenly want to undo the hurt you've caused to all and sundry. As if it's your last day on earth. 

You want to be a good human being. One that is capable of unconditional love and forgiveness.

And then.... after churning out meaningless and boring thoughts like those above...you realize that..

A bit of everything..

Disclaimer: The following post may come across as morbid and boring. You may skip it if you wish to.

I haven't had a holiday in a long time. My weekly offs are consumed by the course I am taking. I am not complaining. That's a life I've chosen for myself and I quite like it. I've taken two additional leaves since my sister is leaving. I am not too happy with her imminent departure. I know I am being unreasonable. Someone up there was kind enough to get her stay extended by invoking an airline strike the day she had to leave. Just doesn't feel enough :-)

It's after ages when I got to wake up obnoxiously late, and read the Sunday newspapers. That's something I love to do. Again I'm content as everything in moderation is perfect for me.

But there's so much in my head that just refuses to settle down. 

How fair is it to live your life through your children's? Expect them to be an exact replica of yourself or someone else's children? Expect them to have prim and proper manners and never voice their wants or needs? To always adjust and to always be submissive? Is it only when children have the above "qualities" can you call them obedient?

If someone were to ask me, I'd say that even though your children are your own life and blood, they do have a life and mind of their own. They are unique and can never and should never be "like" anyone else. Taking care of children goes beyond feeding them. There has to be an emotional connect wherein the child can confide in you and not worry about how you'll react and make life miserable for the child. 

Many parents aren't too wrong in their approach as they don't want their children to go astray, develop bad habits and end up in bad marriages. But somewhere there is a gap between what the parents think is right and the children's point of view. A huge gap. The times where the parents generation grew up was different. Times now are different. What was unacceptable then is acceptable now without killing the essential values. Some values, traditions and opinions need to be discarded outright because they are serving no good. Others have to stay where they are. What was relevant four decades ago may not have the same relevance today. Why is that generation so caught up in what others will think? When others clearly are leading their own lives which are too busy to deeply think about what's going on in yours? If something feels right to you, how does it matter what your neighbor or relative thinks? When they aren't with you in your times of trouble?

For most parents, children will always remain children. I would like to think this idea is very dogged. On one had you want children to be independent and responsible human beings and on the other hand you treat them as children who are incapable of making their own decisions. How old is old enough? When do you know that you have to let go? Why is letting go so excruciatingly difficult? Why must you feel the need to control every move of your child when your child has never given you an opportunity to distrust his or her doings? When they have always acted beyond their age in terms of maturity? When they have always been submissive and never shown one instance of bad judgement? When can you trust your children to make their own decisions? Right from what clothes they can buy to who they can marry?

Have you noticed how the things that appeal to you now, continue to appeal to you even when you grow up? The music you heard, the food you ate, the movies you grew up on, the values that you were brought up with? With age, there comes a reluctance to accept anything new. You will still stick to what you like best and not explore the new. No harm in doing that. But the problem arises when you want your children to adhere to what you think is best too. No deviations allowed. Has the realization ever dawned how stifling and suffocating it can become for the child?

Alright, and why such morbidity and parenting talk, when I haven't even been there and done that? Let's just say I wish to leave that unanswered :-) Just random thoughts which wouldn't settle down until "probably" they were put down in words.

I rediscovered..

How you are responsible for your own happiness. That it is you and only you who needs to switch from I-am-sad-and-the-world-is-so-bad mode to I-am-happy-and-I-can-still-find-so-much-goodness-in-the-world mode (and let me distract myself by concentrating on the good things). People will disappoint you and their words will scar. They will let you down and never live up to your expectations. And they will do it over and over. How long you wish to remain down in the dumps is up to you though.

Why don't we just let the tiny things be and get on with it. Why must be bother ourselves silly to the point of depression over things we've no control over. If you can't do anything about it, the least you can do is not worry. Worrying won't change things to your liking! Maybe with time, what you fussed over won't matter. Maybe it will have sorted itself out. Maybe you will get the strength to deal with it.

How long will it take for something I know to become a habit?