I'd wonder long and hard how people who said "I miss school" and "I miss the college days" could feel that way. What can you possibly miss about a time when all that you had to do was prepare for tests and worry about getting good grades and marks!
Sitting outside a school the other day, I caught myself saying the exact same words. Like they say- Never say never!
The situation is so different these days! I looked forward to my one week of training last week. A week of sheer bliss when I wouldn't have to work. No targets to achieve. No reports of your productivity and quality flooding your inbox. Just learn and relax. I'd come home and sleep like a baby! The Monday blues are at their worst today.
I can complain all I like about inadequate training and how we're expected to know 6 new technologies in 5 days and start implementing them from day 7. But who is listening and more importantly who cares! It's a mad rat race. Now it was THIS that you never faced in school and college. We had pathetic teachers but we had time to learn things on our own by bunking college. How do I convince myself to come home from work and study the same matter with which I've struggled for the past 10 hours? And study is the last thing on my list of things to do on the weekend. Call me lazy if you like. I don't have a very different opinion about myself either. I
refuse to give 24 hours of my time to the company! Hell I need some me time. Some time to do the things I like to do. Lead a normal life. Spend time with friends (I do that whenever I get a chance, but that's so not enough), give quality time to parents. And for heaven's sake not sit glumly like a meteor hit me!
In college you could bunk. Damn the attendance. I wish it was as easy here. One of our biggest festivals (Diwali) went by and I couldn't as much as be home to celebrate. Reason- not everyone can be given a leave that day. Tell me more! I'd applied for a leave on new year's eve (2 months in advance). Ofcourse they denied my leave.
Ever so often I get those mad impulses to quit work and sit at home and do nothing. The idea seems so lucrative! But I also know that within 2 weeks I'd tire myself out by doing so. But this much action is something I surely don't look forward to!
I am so done with feeling stressed out. I was supposed to study this weekend to prepare myself for the war on Monday. I didn't do it. I saw movies all day on Saturday. Slept like it's nobody's business and treated myself to a haircut on Sunday.
During one of the enlightening moments I had recently, a voice within said "Don't bring work home". And I listened it. By not bringing work home, it meant not to bring the worries and tension and leave everything that reeks of work at the workplace. I tried that for a week and it had amazing results. I was calmer and so much more like myself. Today I seem to be going back to being that someone I wasn't.
The working of the fourth largest company in the world, doesn't solely depend on my already overburdened shoulders.
I know it won't be easy today and I accept that. I will try by best and forget about the rest. I shall not see the emails from my manager which talk about quality and productivity and all that jazz. I care not if I am doing poorly.
Until sanity prevails again, please take good care of yourselves and keep the stress at bay through yoga. Eat well and do whatever pleases your soul.
