A Life Less Perfect

(Excerpts from Times Life-

Vinita Dawra Nangia

)

WOULDN’T it be wonderful if we could have made-to-order people in our lives? If, with the snap of a finger we could change the characteristics of people to suit our needs? To have understanding and encouraging parents, a romantic and caring husband, disciplined, dutiful kids and supportive and trustworthy friends. Not to talk of an appreciative boss generous with promotions and increments, and of course admiring and helpful colleagues. And yes even a dog that doesn’t bark the neighbours’ heads off and doesn’t poop all over the place!



Life would indeed be a cakewalk. And yet, something vital would be missing. Good is no good if there is no evil to compare it with. What’s the fun of a good old gossip session when there is nobody worth gossiping about? What’s the thrill of being an adolescent maverick when parents smilingly accept all? What good is a romantic moment that you haven’t agonised and had sleepless nights over? What good a promotion or increment that you haven’t had to fight for!


Ideal sounds good so long as it is beyond reach. Perfect sounds perfect from the prism of imperfect. And yet the moment you have it within reach, there could be nothing more boring than perfect! And anyway, what is perfect? Your perfect is bound to be another’s imperfect. Why, even your own definition of perfect changes from time to time, from year to year!


However, if not total perfection, all of us do find aspects of perfection in life and people around us. Why cannot that be enough for us to live a full life? Must we look for total perfection within one person alone? Can we not find little bits of perfection in a lot of people around us and learn to be satisfied with the sum total of that? A bit like going for a bouquet of wild flowers rather than carefully cultivated similar tubes of tulips or roses.

An aunt, who is seemingly one of the happiest people I have come across in life, told me long back that her secret was that she chose to look at only positive aspects of people around her. Each individual is multifaceted and it’s not necessary that we like or love every aspect. In fact, that’s impossible. It should be enough if we can relate to and be able to enjoy at least some aspects of an individual’s personality.

If a husband is dutiful and loving and understanding, must he be romantic as well? If a friend is dishonest in other aspects of life, must we apply our own sense of morality and give up the aspects of her personality we enjoy and relate to? So long as other aspects of their personality do not adversely affect us, why should we not make the most of what we do have? Must we throw away the baby with the dirty water?

No moment can be truly perfect. However, if we shut our eyes to the imperfections and learn to focus on what suits us, we can surely make it as near perfect as possible. We can apply the same trick with all those people important to us and make them perfect for us in this manner. The trick is to enjoy the best in another and to learn to accept the rest…