I know that you know that life is too short to bear grudges. I also know that you know that holding on to anger harms us and us alone. Not the wrong doer. We've all heard that jazz several times over. But there is more to it, than words alone ( I know that you know that as well. Pardon my lack of originality!). There is a reason why they say whatever they do.
I was going through a famous book by Norman Vincent Peale. Which reiterated what I have long observed. Holding onto resentment, ill-will, anger and the associated emotions wreaks havoc on our physical and mental health. So much can go wrong with you physically and not all the time is it related to the junk you ate and it's levels of hygiene. Medicines aren't the answer when the root cause is so deep seated. At times what we need more than anything else is a psychosomatic medicine.
Many people, knowingly and unknowingly do a lot of harm. They at times, have no idea how extensive the damage due to their actions can be. By the time, they do realize it, it becomes a little too late for damage control. But if someone can reverse it, and undo it, it is us. To vilify them for their deeds might do a world of good as far as instant gratification is concerned. But over a period of time, this becomes a habit. And no one else suffers but us. Had they been in the right frame of mind, they would not have done whatever they did. Had they known the good from the bad and ugly, facts would have been very different. How much can you hold against anyone and for how long? Will the feelings of sadness and anger bring about any change in the person who intentionally or unintentionally wronged us? I guess not. They will get on with their lives just they way they have gone on for a long time. You will remain a spec in the landscape of their life events. Why do you make it large? Why glorify things that don't deserve attention, and do yourself more harm than good. The person wronged you and that was the end of story. Your revisiting it is self inflicted torture. If it can do any good whatsoever in making things better, by all means do it. Otherwise there is no point in digging up wounds which have just about started to heal.
Most of the ailments whether we'd like to admit and believe or not, indeed arise from stress. Stress induced by the plethora of negative emotions. Just like we cleanse ourselves every day, we have to cleanse our mind too. To live healthy and to spread good. To realize what all we are capable of. To reach our zenith. A healthy body is one in which dwells a calm mind. Is that possible? I would live to believe it is. Very frankly, we haven't left ourselves a lof of alternatives. We have to give it an honest try. An attempt that becomes a habit.
P.S Why do I torture you thus? Let's just put it this way. I've nothing better to do in life!
21 people were gracious enough to leave comments:
Well said... Life is too short, with so much more to do, rather than holding onto the past and begrudging all that went wrong ...
Whats important is to take the lesson, figure out the character of the person and move on. Yet sometimes, for some people they Never realize the harm they are doing to themselves and to those around them by holding onto all the wrongs. There IS so much more to be thankful and happy for .
I remember, when I had an issue with a friend from work. At that point,I told her to keep to work and get out of my life. After that I just cut her off. Yet, she made it her sole mission to find out every detail of my life and to try in every way to make me more miserable than her betrayal had already made me ... Sigh ! Lucky for me, from My past I'd learned to just cut off people who hurt u and leave it at that. You can't change the past, you can't change people. You can only control urself.
Hi Stillness...I can't keep up with your wonderful posts... the heart or mind post was excellent...sometimes it's hard to choose our way without making mistakes of the heart...but with our minds in hindsight the answer is clear...so we learn from our mistakes...and give other the same benefit of forgiving their mistakes and moving on...Life is what you make it...
It's nice to count such a caring, intelligent, optimistic, forgiving
soul as a friend...so glad Bernie passed the award on to you Stillness!
ADISHA: I agree with your views. It does become difficult to deal with people who cannot leave the past behind. It can only create issues. It can't help people arrive at solutions.
I really admire your ability to detach yourself from people who aren't good for you. Something everyone must know.
You summed it up best. If there is something that can change, it is your thought process. Nothing and no one else
WANDA: Hi Wanda. Missed you around :-)
When you look at certain situations in the hindsight, there is indeed no other way it could have turned out. At that time, you did the best you thought you could do. It just teaches you to be careful next time. But still retain the free happy spirit you were blessed with. And not get weighed down with regrets!
Scattered Thoughts recently put up this quote which read " Life is not arriving at grave safely in well preserved body, rather to skid in sideways, all worn out, shouting, "holy shit" what a ride!"
Thank you Wanda. I truly am touched :)
Stillness....and what a peaceful pen name for your blog, I might add...I hope that you are putting those moments that have brought you stress behind you. Thank you for reminding us that stress can make us ill. Many people seem to always look for something physical. I wish for peace and stillness in all of our hearts. I am thinking of you, my friend.
Smiles,
Jackie
Well Stillness your post most definitely was not torture. No, as a matter of fact I agreed with everything that you wrote. And it is so hard to better ourselves even knowing that it is better for us. A constant, constant struggle. Your words were very eloquent.
Stillness, so very well said, one cannot live a happy life if holding anger, bitterness, revenge or hatred in their hearts. For me it is so much easier to forgive and move on. It takes two to argue and disagree but only one to forgive......:-) Hugs
'I know that you know that life is too short to bear grudges.' or anything whatsoever.
Btw, in this post you've said it all and know everything so well :)
But I know s'times knowing does not help. It's difficult to let go s'times but I guess instead of keeping the negativity, letting go and moving on is so much better. However, I'd also like to believe that ppl can change (circumstances can bring forth a lot of humility) and that's when moving on helps, coz then you still remember the good things related to that person than just the pain. And then, in retrospect, you u'stand after all that person too was just a human.
Alrite, I'm not sure I'm making sense but you know I'll get better at writing well :D
TC
JACKIE: I first read this name as a title of an article in the newspaper and it stayed with me. It's later that I found out that it's the name of a book by Eckhart Tolle. Should this blog ever become hugely famous, I might have to change the name to Silence Speaks :)
I am definitely making a conscious effort to put all the negativity behind me. Every day, every moment, more than I ever have before :) Loads of love to you Jackie, hope your vacation is going great :)
DIANA:It sure isn't easy. Knowing alone isn't sufficient. It is an everyday battle, till you condition yourself thus. Till you make happiness and positivity a habit. Thanks Diana :)
BERNIE: It takes two to argue and disagree but only one to forgive What a beautiful thought Bernie, I shall always remember this :)
STILL THINKING: Like you yourself said Still, knowing alone isn't enough. It takes realization to actually get you to do things. It's when you realize that you actually start to believe and actually convince every part of you to do what is good for you.
It isn't easy. By no stretch of imagination. Which is why it's an everyday struggle. A battle with the demons inside. You're right Still. Every situation in our life changes us. For the better. If it didn't kill us, it just made us stronger and wiser. But to be able to see the good and not the pain is a stage of nirvana I've just had a glance of, getting there will take me time :) But I am trying :) But I certainly agree, that just that we are entitled to make mistakes, so are others. If others have hurt us, we've hurt others too, knowingly and unknowingly.
You always make sense to me Still. I can make sense out of everything and anything :D
Hi Stillness....It's Jackie again!
:))
I read your comments on my blog, and I wanted to stop by and say hello. It's late here (USA)...and I'm about to call it an evening....snore, snore!!... but before I do, I wanted to stop and say 'hi' to you.
I read what you said on my blog about having a Hard Rock Cafe where you live. I've been to several Hard Rock Cafe(s.) I think it's 'the thing to do' to visit a Hard Rock Cafe if there is one in the area....and get a Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt....whaddya think?? :))
As a matter of fact, we were at a Hard Rock Cafe several years ago on July 4 (in Madrid, Spain) and the owners asked all American citizens to come to the front as everyone sang "The Star Spangled" banner to us. That was a memorable time....being in Europe...being honored in a special way.
I hope that you have a good day. Know that I'm thinking of you....and I always send a smile your way.
Smiles from Jackie
Wow.. good to see Ms. saints back in action.. and that too with a blast.. a nice and helluva post with lots of gyan to implement in day to day life.. ah.. enough of praise.. now could you please please please tell me the crux and exact point in plain simple English..
Looking back at my comment, I think you are already red faced so I decided to re-read it to make sense out of it with the help of my tiny mind only.. What I think is we can not really sculpt the life with a fixed set of rules and thus the best way is to live as it comes and (re)act as per the circumstances and situations. Controlling the anger all the time might give the wrong message to the wrong doer (and probably they will take it as our weakness and become all the more aggressive) and at the same time screaming all the time is not good too.. so I think having a balance between these two is a better idea.. what say?
JACKIE: Hi there! Very sweet of you to have dropped by again :)
I am not a huge fan of rock music, but I must say, their interiors are a paradise for every rock music lover. It sure impressed me :) I've yet to develop a hang of the American Cuisine, because I am used to spicy food. But nevertheless I was very happy to be there :-)
It sure feels lovely when people don't differentiate between fellow humans on the basis of race, caste, creed and religion. We might have our own way of doing things, and speak different languages, but we are still the same. Wish the spirit was the same everywhere and they wouldn't hate Indians so much, so as to beat them up! :(
SCATTERED THOUGHTS: Could I get more simple with what I had to say. I am not too sure, but I will try and break it up into smaller things next time :)
Your comment brought this quote to my mind "I flunked anger management!" :D
See people will think what they feel like thinking of you irrespective of whether you've been a screaming banshee or a submissive doormat. That is their business. The fact of the matter is, you are responsible for yourself. No one comes and takes care of you, but you yourself. Like they say in Hindi "Tum jiyo ya maro, isse kisi ko koi farak nahee padta". So if it isn't going to bring about "samaj sudhaar", why not be easy on your nerves. What do you think?
~Waves~ I'm one of those people who kind of torture themselves..haha.
But I'm working on it :) and yes I agree with you, flashbacks sometimes become so uncalled for, though we sometimes can't handle them.
About resentment..i no longer let it affect on me that much, sometimes I cry, keep it inside of me or talk it out loud with a friend or two..but I'm glad to day letting go is the best option here :)
Write on~
KNEE: Wish I'd follow my own advise! Shakespeare once said "It's easier to teach 20, then be one of them and follow what I teach". Sweetie Pie, I know it isn't easy. But we're here to learn what we don't already know. And this, is another of those things. Keep striving. One day you will have what you always wanted :)
Hmm.. I won't say that I flunked anger management… in fact I consider myself pretty good with that as it is a mandatory requirement for a manager.. especially if you are dealing with all sort of people and playing different roles at different times.
That being said, do you really think you don’t care a damn of what people are thinking, and its not only that, but their actions afterwards.. You keep your silence on every stupid or dumb or amiss act and they keep on getting more aggressive or calling you jerk (there is a more precise word in hindi abuses, starting with “c” and I hope you know what I mean) behind your back (which you come to know one way or another) so now do you really think, it will make calm and soothing effect on your nerves. Sorry but I don’t think so, some times it is the one reaction which we need to get the things sorted out for once and all. I am not saying one should keep on thinking about these bitter experiences or keep the burden always on shoulders, but just act as per the situation and move on.. Some times with silence and some times with scream…
Hmm.. and did I say, I have no dushmani with you.. its just my POV which is a bit different.. like they say, “it takes all kinds to make this world….” :D
I don't care as much any more. People can think what they will about me. Am tired of guessing and thinking about that really!
And no keeping silent is not what I meant. You can disgree without being disagreeable. I haven't mastered anger management, if that is what it made you think. I loose it completely in the face of morons, people who misbehave, liars, cheaters..oh jeez..Breathe deep ...Ah..better :D
I have come to understand that you've no jaani dushmani with me. Don't worry in that department. We're just two different individuals, who think differently! I appreciate your views though :)
P.S And Mr. Manager, where you do practise your management skills :) Just curious :)
and the debate continues!!!
management practice.. hmmm whoever is willing to jhelofy me :)
I read it some where.. oh it was in your blog only.. some where in the west of the country and then further west of that state :)
SCATTERED THOUGHTS: I must admit you use your office hours very productively. Managers get away with so God damn much. Tch ;-) *peace* (Had it not been for the generosity of people like you, where would my blog have been! Sigh!)
And you read my replies to comments too.. Hmm..Good to know someone reads them. So far I thought I was their only reader!
That is what we call time management my dear.. and that is what management is all about.. its not working 14 hours a day but make those 14 hours worth 18 hours :))
Have you heard the term narcissist.. I am on the mission to redefine it.. to take that term to new heights :D
SCATTERED THOUGHTS: You know something..I just realized this. I can really afford to be rude, mean and nasty and you still can't fire me! Ofcourse it shall make an impact on hiring me, but who cares. Eheem..SO..I was saying.. This is killing time in cold blood. Not fair. End of discussion (You know to someone who just looks at my post will think I must write really well to get that many comments. And here we are discussing something far removed from my topic, (Uhmm..which was what again..yea.. Begrudging people), and me commenting on my own posts. Thou shalt not mislead someone who got here accidentally.
Hi again, Stillness. Blog tag! You're it! :))
Hi again. Yes, I've been playing with the header on my blog. I'm not satisfied....but it's sooo late, I need to go to sleep.
I have an award I want to give you tomorrow nighg (USA time..)
I want to wait until the end of the day until I post a new blog....so, I hope that you can wait....and that you will check your blog tomorrow. I will have it for you then.
Another smile,
Jackie
JACKIE: I shall look forward to the tag :) And thank you again for having considered my writing worth an award one more time :)
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