Now whether you are a seven year old, or a seventy year old, problems are something you are familiar with. The world might be burning away and might make you feel bad and sad, but your problems are still bigger than every one else's, or so it seems when you are confronted with them, day in and day out. At times it makes you feel that it's an everyday battle that you have to win. And beyond a certain point in time, winning or loosing does not even matter. You don't want to face it and want the battle to end. At times you know there is no solution. You know at times, hope is the only solution. What's the most you'd want in times like these to see through the rough patch? Maybe someone who can listen to you without being judgemental. Maybe someone who can side with you, even though both of you know you were in the wrong. Maybe you weren't .Maybe someone who can just support you through it. Clearly not too much to ask for is it? What else are family and friends for anyways, it's said!
Which is what you'd expect, and which is whom you'd want to turn to in moments of despair. But sometimes in the biggest of crisis, when you are so hoping for their unconditional support is when they do a volte face. Ofcourse they still want your good and want you out of the situation as much as you. Problems arise when you wish to talk, and they don't wish to. They fear that the more you talk about unpleasant things, the more it would make you think, and the sadder you'd get. But at times you really want a heart to heart conversation even though it's been discussed umpteen times. If it's bothering you, it can't be that simple to just brush it aside. The well wisher's aren't wrong. They really want you to get over whatever it is that you are getting over. But somehow they end up thinking that brushing things under the carpet is the way out. You don't see it, hence it can't bother you. Logically yes, that is how it should be.
At times they just shy away because they don't know how to help you deal with it, since they've never dealt with it themselves. At times they feel incapable of giving any advise. At times advise isn't even what you're looking for. Maybe just a reassurance. Maybe just a little more hope. Maybe agreeing with you on how bad the manager is. Maybe siding with you to badmouth someone who accidentally got into your bad books until all feels well again.
What surprises me is why is that too much to ask for at times. Why is it too much to expect out of people who are guaranteed to be around you in the good times. Why does listening to your issues irritate them so much? When you've always been there to listen to theirs. Why do they expect you to be in a jolly mood 365 days of the year, 24 hours a day?
You might have no idea, how much your patiently listening for the umpteenth time can help your dear one. Eventually they will heal. Time does heal everything. But with your help, it could be so much faster. Don't let them down when they bank upon you so much. When your time and patience is all that they seek. Be there. When they need you the most. Even though it irritates you no end to hear them rant about the same inconsequential things. Maybe you can give them some pearls of wisdom that might make them see things differently and bring about an instant turn around. Or maybe you can just listen and they will get enlightenment themselves :)
Now whether you are a seven year old, or a seventy year old, problems are something you are familiar with. The world might be burning away and might make you feel bad and sad, but your problems are still bigger than every one else's, or so it seems when you are confronted with them, day in and day out. At times it makes you feel that it's an everyday battle that you have to win. And beyond a certain point in time, winning or loosing does not even matter. You don't want to face it and want the battle to end. At times you know there is no solution. You know at times, hope is the only solution. What's the most you'd want in times like these to see through the rough patch? Maybe someone who can listen to you without being judgemental. Maybe someone who can side with you, even though both of you know you were in the wrong. Maybe you weren't .Maybe someone who can just support you through it. Clearly not too much to ask for is it? What else are family and friends for anyways, it's said!
14 people were gracious enough to leave comments:
Stillness, listening is a good thing, and to some a real challenge to master. You are so right, everyone deserves to be listened to. Love this post.
Have a great day...:-) Hugs
OMG! I can almost imagine a dust powdered face when it's time to clean that carpet :p
I like the way you've mentioned some truths so subtlely. It's true, sometimes the person who wants to listen just does not want to push the pain coz it could s'times appear to sound patronising. I'm sure you've friends calling you thru'out the day making you listen to their woes :)
S'times seeking too much self empathy ain't good as well - a good talk during one of those days takes one a long, long way. And then you always have your 4 am friend. Let me know, I'll send you across my mobile number (it accepts only 4am calls) :D
Take care dear.
PS: Sab theek thaak? Remember the lighted candle? It's nothing but HOPE, will light one for you too :)
PS1: It NEVER hurts to listen.
Sometimes the best one can do for another is to be silent and just listen... just being there helps...
if you are there for them they should be there for you...but it does makes some people uncomfortable listening to others vent...thinking something is expected of them other than listening...so maybe they avoid being there...a weakness in them.
I just loved this one... Having been on both ends of the spectrum I could Sooooo relate to this ...
Many days I wish I had someone to talk heart to heart to but sadly, in my current life I have no one. Everyone who used to support me that way is back home. My hubby is the sweetest, but some things cannot be understood by him...Othe people in my family so believe in burying things under the surface and then bring it all up when it suits them ... Urrrrrgggh !! there's so much this post has brought up that I don't want to start ranting here itself ... Though, I'd like to put in a word of thanks here to all my friends who've been patient and helped me through all phases of my life ...
On the other spectrum after years of hearing some people crib about the same thing, I feel it's high time they at least Made an effort to change Something .... Though, I don't stop listening but sometimes it's Really hard not to pull my hair out and walk off ... I try to enlighten them in lil doses , trying to be understanding about their desire to Only rant ...Judgemental I try Very hard not to be for we all are human at the end of the day, but then I ONLY wish , after a given period of time, whatever it might be, they atleast showed some desire to change ....
And after all this, when all we need is a talk, and usually, we are left is either listening or having no one who'd understand our pain ....
All anyone wants in those days blue is someone to connect with !!! WHY is it so much to ask for ??? I have No idea ...
BERNIE: Thanks for the appreciation Bernie, means a lot :) Listening sure is an art! To many it means waiting their chance to speak :) You have a lovely day ahead too!
STILL THINKING: A dust powdered face when it's time to clean the carpet :D cough cough :) ...maybe a nice vaccum clean and you wouldn't even know until you open the bin ;-)
I completely understand the logic of the well wishers going hand in hand with you down the memory lane for fear of the pain you might be subjected to. And going over it again and again ALSO makes no sense I know. In total agreement with you! A good talk during one of those days takes one a long, long way BINGO!
But if all your well wishers begin to think this way, and never ever bring it up, it somehow doesn't erase the memory and you're left struggling with it on your own. At times for the out of sight to become out of mind, it takes several talks. Gradually senses dawn, gradually the memories fade :)
When someone has an issue, they know precisely which number to dial, and it inevitably gets routed to me :D Where would I be without the 4 AM friends :D I would gladly accept your number, but it just might become a lil too bothersome, so soch samajhkar number dijiyega ;-) On second thoughts, I'd be way too scared and awed to call you, so you'd be just fine :P
WANDA: I totally agree with you. Just being there helps. And yes that could be one of the reasons why people avoid the long talks :) At times it could just be the helplessness. But I've realized that even if they refuse to listen, you learn to cope with it better than you would if they would always empathise :)
ADISHA: I'm glad that you could connect with this piece :)
I think Ms. Still Thinking once told me that it's never too late to make new friends. I do understand that there might not be many around you right now, but this is precisely where blogging comes in. Divulge how much you wish to, and still have people express their views.
I would not mind you ranting here. Seriously. One of my friend always says "Better out than in " :D If there is something you want to say, I am listening :)
I totally understand that at times, some people make it a habit to keep ranting, and no matter how much sense you try and drill into them, there is no difference whatsoever. That is when it's time to leave them alone with their thought process. They will gradually develop the strength to move ahead when it hits them that staying there never helped. But nevertheless to leave people high and dry when they've just hit the rough patch, in the name of letting them forget, doesn't usually help :)
Thank you so much for saying all that you said. You don't know how much it means today of all days ... :)
Yeah, that's what I've finally figured out. That after some time , you just need to distance yourself from such people who do Nothing more than to rant ... and give them space to find out their own path to the solution ... once they Decide to do something about the problem ...
ADISHA: "Happy to help" :D
Precisely my point. "You can lead the horse to the water, but you can't make him drink". They will find a way, and for the others, friends and family are always there, aren't they :) Take care and keep the smile intact!
Wise words.
Many things in the post can be identified with.
Following you :).
BROWN PHANTOM: Thank you so very much :D
visiting 4 d first tym..it lk reading my own thoughts.. kool.. luvd it
:)
UPASANA: Welcome and thanks for dropping by :) I'm glad you could identify with my writing :)
DPHATSEZ: :) :)
I was just talking about a similar thing on facebook. Sometimes it really annoys me to listen to whiners who complain about everything..literally EVERYTHING.
Though I love listening to people, it annoys me to listen to those people because they make me lose the good sense of living.
Listening is always good when you know deep down inside that the talker is happy with the conversation. Then as long as s/he is relieved, you're happy :)
Nice one friend!
NEMA: Those who make whining a habit, have to eventually deal with their woes themselves one day, since with human limits of patience, it becomes difficult to continue listening to them, when they show no signs of improvement. My point was just that when someone has just hit the rough patch, don't desert him/her because the issue might seem trivial to you, but it might be huge for someone else, and he or she could do with all the support. So if listening to them makes the talker feel any better, don't hesitate :) Thanks for the appreciation Nema :)
Post a Comment